Stay tuned...
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
DVD TUESDAY
Here are today's notable DVD releases, as chosen by the DVDoofus:
C.S.I. - Season 5
More fun in the morgue and the lab as Gil Grissom (William Petersen) and his gang of professional ghouls solve more hideous crimes. Not exactly how I'd like to spend my career, but hey, death becomes them. This set contains 25 episodes on seven discs.
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
I haven't watched it, so I shouldn't be judgmental. But after watching a trailer for this film, I'm thinking that Congress needs to pass a law to protect Hollywood from its sequel-addicted self. I mean, come on? If the trailer ain't even remotely funny, what hope is there for the movie? Suddenly, Superman III doesn't look so bad anymore.
EMPIRE (2005)
ABC's epic mini-series about the chaos brought about in the Roman Empire by Julius Caesar's assassination had almost as much frenzy in its actual production. Aired in the spring of 2004, problems of creative dysfunction and budgetary overload almost caused ABC to scrap the whole thing (as it was, the eight-episode series was trimmed to six). Did it affect the outcome? A lot of critics thought so. Now you can buy the DVD and make that judgment for yourself.
FAMILY GUY - Volume 3
This set of 13 episodes on three discs comes from the fourth season of this previously dead, but now thriving animated series that prides itself on being as politically incorrect as an animated show can be without actually calling itself South Park.
THE FRIGHTENERS (Peter Jackson's Director's Cut)
Released theatrically in 1996, this Robert Zemeckis-produced film starring Michael J. Fox opened to lukewarm reviews and an even cooler reception at the box office. As the title of this DVD says, it was directed by Peter Jackson (who, it seems, has done some re-editing), way back when he was still a Ring-less nobody. Now he's an Oscar winner with a big budget remake of King Kong about to storm the box office. Coincidence? Nuh-uh.
HAVOC
This film about two upper crust Los Angeles girls that get mixed up in the local gang culture is primarily notable for being the coming out party for Anne Hathaway's perky chest ornaments, forever soiling the purity of The Princess Diaries' cute and klutzy Princess Mia. Also available in an unrated version (probably for those who like their smut extra spicy), Hathaway's new exposure means The Princess Diaries 3 has about as much chance of happening as a full scale Beatles reunion.
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
This French-made documentary about the South Pole denizens, with narration by Morgan Freeman for the North American market, became a surprise box office hit when it was released earlier this year. But as good as this DVD probably is, I think I'm going to wait for the deluxe director's cut containing the previously unreleased footage of Danny DeVito in his natural habitat.
MR. & MRS. SMITH (2005)
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play married assassins contracted to put the hit on each other -- now that's what I call foreplay. The film also stars Vince Vaughn, currently romancing Pitt's ex, Jennifer Aniston (not a star in the film, but she became a major impact player anyway), who was dumped by the Bradster so that he could save the world with Angelina, leading to a puzzling and intense tabloid frenzy as well as an increase in the sale of over the counter headache remedies. I know I could use a Tylenol after trying to sort this stuff out.
THE MUPPET MOVIE (Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition)
Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Who knows. I have a soft spot the size of Jupiter for this film, the celluloid debut of Jim Henson's creature workshop detailing how the Muppets came to hit it big. Or so they say. The film is chock full of cameos by many a star, and Henson, Frank Oz and crew do their thing so well, one almost forgets that the main characters on the screen are nothing more than bits of fabric stitched together. Also out today are new editions of The Muppet Christmas Carol, The Great Muppet Caper and Muppet Treasure Island.
SKY HIGH (2005)
Kurt Russell, decked out with bad hair dye (or a bad wig, it's so hard to tell) and ill-fitting tights, stars in this flick about a high school for kids with super human powers. It did next to nothing at the box office despite decent reviews, which puzzles me ever so slightly because it also stars Lynda "Wonder Woman" Carter, still looking like a million bucks after all these years. Rowrrrr.
Stay tuned...
C.S.I. - Season 5
More fun in the morgue and the lab as Gil Grissom (William Petersen) and his gang of professional ghouls solve more hideous crimes. Not exactly how I'd like to spend my career, but hey, death becomes them. This set contains 25 episodes on seven discs.DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
I haven't watched it, so I shouldn't be judgmental. But after watching a trailer for this film, I'm thinking that Congress needs to pass a law to protect Hollywood from its sequel-addicted self. I mean, come on? If the trailer ain't even remotely funny, what hope is there for the movie? Suddenly, Superman III doesn't look so bad anymore.EMPIRE (2005)
ABC's epic mini-series about the chaos brought about in the Roman Empire by Julius Caesar's assassination had almost as much frenzy in its actual production. Aired in the spring of 2004, problems of creative dysfunction and budgetary overload almost caused ABC to scrap the whole thing (as it was, the eight-episode series was trimmed to six). Did it affect the outcome? A lot of critics thought so. Now you can buy the DVD and make that judgment for yourself.FAMILY GUY - Volume 3
This set of 13 episodes on three discs comes from the fourth season of this previously dead, but now thriving animated series that prides itself on being as politically incorrect as an animated show can be without actually calling itself South Park.THE FRIGHTENERS (Peter Jackson's Director's Cut)
Released theatrically in 1996, this Robert Zemeckis-produced film starring Michael J. Fox opened to lukewarm reviews and an even cooler reception at the box office. As the title of this DVD says, it was directed by Peter Jackson (who, it seems, has done some re-editing), way back when he was still a Ring-less nobody. Now he's an Oscar winner with a big budget remake of King Kong about to storm the box office. Coincidence? Nuh-uh.HAVOC
This film about two upper crust Los Angeles girls that get mixed up in the local gang culture is primarily notable for being the coming out party for Anne Hathaway's perky chest ornaments, forever soiling the purity of The Princess Diaries' cute and klutzy Princess Mia. Also available in an unrated version (probably for those who like their smut extra spicy), Hathaway's new exposure means The Princess Diaries 3 has about as much chance of happening as a full scale Beatles reunion. MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
This French-made documentary about the South Pole denizens, with narration by Morgan Freeman for the North American market, became a surprise box office hit when it was released earlier this year. But as good as this DVD probably is, I think I'm going to wait for the deluxe director's cut containing the previously unreleased footage of Danny DeVito in his natural habitat.MR. & MRS. SMITH (2005)
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play married assassins contracted to put the hit on each other -- now that's what I call foreplay. The film also stars Vince Vaughn, currently romancing Pitt's ex, Jennifer Aniston (not a star in the film, but she became a major impact player anyway), who was dumped by the Bradster so that he could save the world with Angelina, leading to a puzzling and intense tabloid frenzy as well as an increase in the sale of over the counter headache remedies. I know I could use a Tylenol after trying to sort this stuff out.THE MUPPET MOVIE (Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition)
Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Who knows. I have a soft spot the size of Jupiter for this film, the celluloid debut of Jim Henson's creature workshop detailing how the Muppets came to hit it big. Or so they say. The film is chock full of cameos by many a star, and Henson, Frank Oz and crew do their thing so well, one almost forgets that the main characters on the screen are nothing more than bits of fabric stitched together. Also out today are new editions of The Muppet Christmas Carol, The Great Muppet Caper and Muppet Treasure Island.SKY HIGH (2005)
Kurt Russell, decked out with bad hair dye (or a bad wig, it's so hard to tell) and ill-fitting tights, stars in this flick about a high school for kids with super human powers. It did next to nothing at the box office despite decent reviews, which puzzles me ever so slightly because it also stars Lynda "Wonder Woman" Carter, still looking like a million bucks after all these years. Rowrrrr.Stay tuned...
Sunday, November 27, 2005
SUNDAY CRAPOLA, ver. 1.24
(DISCLAIMER: The truth hurts. This is my 24th pain-free week.)
Afternoon, all. I want to say good morning but my clock is making me do otherwise. I say, nobody likes a smartass, even if it does keep good time.
YAWN... Need... More... Coffee...
Ahem. Today's edition of Sunday Crapola is a little shorter, owing to this weekend, which has the Americans a little fatter and the Canadians a little colder. Therefore, this edition has been brought to you by the letter T, which stands for Thanksgiving, but also stands for Turkey and Temperature. This is going nowhere so I'll just shut-up now.
On with show, such as it is:
TERI HATCHER
The former Lois and current Desperate domestic diva is having her day in court after filing a lawsuit for libel against a British newspaper. It was reported by the Daily Sport several months ago that Hatcher "engages in sex romps on a regular basis with a series of men in a Volkswagen van parked outside her Los Angeles home for this purpose." A spokesperson for Hatcher explains, "Ms. Hatcher is extremely upset over these hurtful allegations. She wants her fans to know that she keeps herself to a much higher standard, and that she has never -- and I repeat NEVER -- owned a Volkswagen van."
OPRAH WINFREY
The queen of daytime talk is venturing into territory that she hasn't been to in aeons. Next week Oprah will make her first appearance on David Letterman's show in 16 years. Winfrey had avoided a return visit with Letterman because of his negative and borderline verbal abusive attitude toward her. But apparently that's all water under the Brooklyn Bridge now. Winfrey has been getting herself into both physical and mental condition for her trip to the Ed Sullivan Theater. Says an Oprah spokesperson, "oh, she's ready to take on Dave, alright. She's been working out and eating right. But Oprah will not be out-insulted. She's been warming up for Dave by going door-to-door in her neighbourhood and mocking the flaws in her neighbours' teeth."
JESSICA SIMPSON/NICK LACHEY
The one-time boy-band heartthrob and his formerly goody two-shoes wife have officially called it quits, after several months of speculation about the state of their marriage. A spokesperson says it's too early to go into much detail, but he did have some words for scavenging reporters. Said the Lachey's mouthpiece, "nothing has been decided as far as their property is concerned, but they did manage to figure out a couple of things for Thanksgiving -- he took the turkey and she got the cranberries."
TOM CRUISE
The Scientology poster boy has pledged to donate his recently purchased sonogram machine, bought for pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes, to a hospital once their child is born. Cruise purchased the $200,000 machine in order to keep watch on the couple's growing fetus. But an anonymous neighbour of Cruise's doesn't think the machine will be in working order by the time Cruise donates it. Said the neighbour, "Tom apparently uses that thing a lot. He's got it going over Katie all the time, from what I hear. Then there's all those times he's lugged it into the hills looking for extra-terrestrial biological entities..."
Stay tuned...
Afternoon, all. I want to say good morning but my clock is making me do otherwise. I say, nobody likes a smartass, even if it does keep good time.
YAWN... Need... More... Coffee...
Ahem. Today's edition of Sunday Crapola is a little shorter, owing to this weekend, which has the Americans a little fatter and the Canadians a little colder. Therefore, this edition has been brought to you by the letter T, which stands for Thanksgiving, but also stands for Turkey and Temperature. This is going nowhere so I'll just shut-up now.
On with show, such as it is:
TERI HATCHER
The former Lois and current Desperate domestic diva is having her day in court after filing a lawsuit for libel against a British newspaper. It was reported by the Daily Sport several months ago that Hatcher "engages in sex romps on a regular basis with a series of men in a Volkswagen van parked outside her Los Angeles home for this purpose." A spokesperson for Hatcher explains, "Ms. Hatcher is extremely upset over these hurtful allegations. She wants her fans to know that she keeps herself to a much higher standard, and that she has never -- and I repeat NEVER -- owned a Volkswagen van."
OPRAH WINFREY
The queen of daytime talk is venturing into territory that she hasn't been to in aeons. Next week Oprah will make her first appearance on David Letterman's show in 16 years. Winfrey had avoided a return visit with Letterman because of his negative and borderline verbal abusive attitude toward her. But apparently that's all water under the Brooklyn Bridge now. Winfrey has been getting herself into both physical and mental condition for her trip to the Ed Sullivan Theater. Says an Oprah spokesperson, "oh, she's ready to take on Dave, alright. She's been working out and eating right. But Oprah will not be out-insulted. She's been warming up for Dave by going door-to-door in her neighbourhood and mocking the flaws in her neighbours' teeth."
JESSICA SIMPSON/NICK LACHEY
The one-time boy-band heartthrob and his formerly goody two-shoes wife have officially called it quits, after several months of speculation about the state of their marriage. A spokesperson says it's too early to go into much detail, but he did have some words for scavenging reporters. Said the Lachey's mouthpiece, "nothing has been decided as far as their property is concerned, but they did manage to figure out a couple of things for Thanksgiving -- he took the turkey and she got the cranberries."
TOM CRUISE
The Scientology poster boy has pledged to donate his recently purchased sonogram machine, bought for pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes, to a hospital once their child is born. Cruise purchased the $200,000 machine in order to keep watch on the couple's growing fetus. But an anonymous neighbour of Cruise's doesn't think the machine will be in working order by the time Cruise donates it. Said the neighbour, "Tom apparently uses that thing a lot. He's got it going over Katie all the time, from what I hear. Then there's all those times he's lugged it into the hills looking for extra-terrestrial biological entities..."
Stay tuned...
Friday, November 25, 2005
SAYONARA, MR. MIYAGI
Good words to live by. Unless you're a fly.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
DVD TUESDAY
I like DVDs, I think that's pretty evident. Some I like more than others. And I have to admit, I've been waiting for this big ape to get the proper DVD treatment he deserves for a long time.
Notable for the classic beauty and beast story, its revolutionary stop motion animation and Fay Wray's scream, its legacy can be found in pretty much every monster movie since, whether they be good (i.e. Alien, The Thing), bad (i.e. IT Came from Outer Space, The Killer Shrews) or both (i.e. every single Godzilla film).
It also suffered the indignity of a lame remake in 1976. I can't be too hard on that one, though, since it did introduce Jessica Lange to the movie world. Also, the climactic battle takes place on top of the World Trade Center buildings, as opposed to the Empire State Building. That gives this movie an added dimension that makes it both more appealing and somewhat difficult to watch at the same time, given the events of four years ago.
Also noteworthy, if not newsworthy (unless you've been living on Skull Island), is the pending release of the new remake by The Lord of the Rings helmer Peter Jackson. I think, to a large degree, Jackson's passion to get his film made is responsible for this DVD release. Otherwise cinephiles and casual fans alike might still be waiting for the original Kong to get his due.
Thankfully, that wait is now over. Fans have the choice of buying the 2-disc special edition of King Kong or a box set, dubbed The King Kong Collection, also containing the much lesser known sequel, Son of Kong (released in 1933, the same year as the original), as well as the 1949 stop-motion classic, Mighty Joe Young. These are also available separately.
That's enough monkey business, for now.
Here are the rest of today's notable releases, as picked by this page's resident DVDoofus:
AEON FLUX: THE COMPLETE ANIMATED COLLECTION
Gee, the release of this set wouldn't have anything to do with the upcoming live-action film starring Charlize Theron, would it? **COUGH, COUGH** I didn't think so. ALIEN vs. PREDATOR (Unrated Edition)
Remember when I was talking Kong and I mentioned bad monster movies? This is the second DVD release of this film, which had neither a script nor a plot. But this one's supposed to be an unrated director's cut, which means somebody somewhere is actually proud of this mess. But I suppose fans of both franchises will have to have it in their collections, so here it is. THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW - Season 4
Why is this significant? Well, it isn't that big a deal, really. But I'm including it in honour of Ronnie Howard, AKA Ron Howard, AKA Opie. (Cue segue) Also AKA the narrator on Arrested Development, a show that just had any further development arrested by the suits at FOX. Sigh. This set contains 32 episodes on five discs.LEAVE IT TO BEAVER - Season 1
A pop culture classic. Let's face it, everybody knew at least one Eddie Haskell, although I don't know anybody who had a friend named Lumpy. This set includes 39 episodes on three discs. Also available is a limited edition version packaged in a classic tin lunch box.THE POLAR EXPRESS
While I would love for you to buy the DVD (especially if it's via one of these links), if you get a chance to see it this Christmas at an IMAX theatre in 3D, do it. It's a movie-going experience you won't soon forget.SEINFELD - Season 5
Arguably the greatest sitcom ever gets some more DVD lovin' with this release. Notable stuff from season five includes the puffy shirt, Marlee Matlin's lip reader, cheating on the barber, George's religious conversion, spare a square, Courtney Cox as Jerry's "wife," the raincoats, seeing the baby and George's reverse psychology. SEINFELD - Season 6
One paragraph later and still arguably the greatest sitcom ever, this sixth season release includes nuggets such as the big salad, the Poppie stain, the menage a trois, love/hate the Drake, the bro/manssiere, the face painter and meeting Peterman. Like the season 5 set before it, this box contains 22 episodes on four discs. I have to say, I really miss this show. But I'm betting NBC misses it more.TRACEY TAKES ON... - Season 1
I didn't watch this show during its three year run (probably because I didn't know of its existence), but I have fond memories of watching The Tracey Ullman Show way back when on FOX. This is one talented and funny British gal, which has me wondering why the producers of the Harry Potter films haven't cast her in some role. Let's face it, almost every other British thespian has hung out with Harry. Why not Tracey?UPDATE: It seems HBO has pulled a fast one and delayed the release of this title without any sort of announcement, so says TVShowsOnDVD.com. The new release date is apparently December 26. Mea Culpa, but I still say Tracey should be in Harry Potter.
WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005)
Aliens invade from space only to find Tom Cruise waiting for them? If this were a realistic depiction they'd turn tail and get the hell out of here. But no, they gotta try to take over the planet. This Steven Spielberg film is available in both anamorphic widescreen and slicedup fullscreen editions. Somewhere the spirit of H.G. Wells is saying, "hey, where's my cut?"Stay tuned...
Sunday, November 20, 2005
SUNDAY CRAPOLA, ver. 1.23
(DISCLAIMER: The following entertainment news is true. Except for the overly embellished parts, which are kinda sorta mostly untrue.)
It's Sunday, which can only mean one thing -- it's Crapola time again.
Yeah, yeah, I know there are others who think they own Sunday. Thankfully, the religious don't know I exist (they'd just be looking down on me, anyway -- way down).
And I know all about that NFL thing. The football suits weren't too happy when I tried to steal their day so, as an olive branch, today's edition includes news about one of their own. Gee, I wonder which one?
Read on and find out:
CHRISTINA AGUILERA
The singer and record executive beau Jordan Bratman got married this weekend at an estate in northern California. Aguilera, she of the raunchy reputation and even raunchier videos, wore white, which surprised most people. But Aguilera isn't laying claim to any titles of virginity. When asked last weeek by members of the media to explain the white gown, Aguilera said "it just seemed right. It's certainly not about being a virgin. If I said I was pure your tape recorders would probably explode."
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
The star of such films as Contact, The Wedding Planner and Sahara was named last week as the sexiest man alive by People magazine. McConaughey beat out such notable hunks as James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Matthew Fox (Lost) and Matt Damon (The Bourne Identity). Several other votes were also conducted by People, with Robin Williams named hairiest man alive, Jude Law and Tom Sizemore tied for the horniest man alive, and Tim Burton was voted the creepiest man alive, which would have gone to Michael Jackson but nobody could confirm whether he was a man, or alive.
MICHAEL JACKSON
Speaking of the gloved one, Jackson made the headlines again this week when he supposedly made a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong bathroom during a trip to a Dubai shopping mall. It was thought by some that Jackson ducked into the ladies' room to avoid fans, but Jackson spokesperson Raymond Bain claims that his boss merely made a wrong turn. But some witnesses don't believe the "wrong turn" excuse. Said one witness, "you'd think a guy like him with likes like him would know how to find the little boys' room."
WILLIAM SHATNER
Recovering nicely from health problems, the Emmy winner has decided to put the remnants of his recent difficulties up for auction. Shatner, who was taken from the set of Boston Legal to hospital last month, suffered from a kidney stone, which he successfully passed and is now trying to sell on eBay. The actor also briefly considered auctioning off his ego, until someone pointed out that he wouldn't be able to find a container big enough to ship it.
TERRELL OWENS
The bad boy of the National Football League has been handed a four-game suspension after talking smack about his team, the Philadelphia Eagles. But it seems that Owens is showing remorse, even if it is in his own brash style. In a scripted press statement, Owens offered several apologies. Said T.O., "I apologize to the National Football League for my actions. More specifically, I apologize to coach (Andy) Reid and my Eagles teammates for putting them in a tough spot. Finally, I'd also like to apologize to Donovan McNabb for calling him a chickenshit weenie, which I actually haven't done, but will be doing so during an interview tomorrow."
BRITNEY SPEARS
The tabloids' mom of the moment has reportedly been told by a psychic that she'll be pregnant again within six months. According to friends, Spears always visits a psychic before making any major decisions that will affect her life. But the psychic had more to tell. When Spears asked what 2006 would be like for her, the medium responded, "you'll be carrying a child in six months... but your drifter of a husband will be an expectant father in four."
Stay tuned...
It's Sunday, which can only mean one thing -- it's Crapola time again.
Yeah, yeah, I know there are others who think they own Sunday. Thankfully, the religious don't know I exist (they'd just be looking down on me, anyway -- way down).
And I know all about that NFL thing. The football suits weren't too happy when I tried to steal their day so, as an olive branch, today's edition includes news about one of their own. Gee, I wonder which one?
Read on and find out:
CHRISTINA AGUILERA
The singer and record executive beau Jordan Bratman got married this weekend at an estate in northern California. Aguilera, she of the raunchy reputation and even raunchier videos, wore white, which surprised most people. But Aguilera isn't laying claim to any titles of virginity. When asked last weeek by members of the media to explain the white gown, Aguilera said "it just seemed right. It's certainly not about being a virgin. If I said I was pure your tape recorders would probably explode."
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
The star of such films as Contact, The Wedding Planner and Sahara was named last week as the sexiest man alive by People magazine. McConaughey beat out such notable hunks as James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Matthew Fox (Lost) and Matt Damon (The Bourne Identity). Several other votes were also conducted by People, with Robin Williams named hairiest man alive, Jude Law and Tom Sizemore tied for the horniest man alive, and Tim Burton was voted the creepiest man alive, which would have gone to Michael Jackson but nobody could confirm whether he was a man, or alive.
MICHAEL JACKSON
Speaking of the gloved one, Jackson made the headlines again this week when he supposedly made a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong bathroom during a trip to a Dubai shopping mall. It was thought by some that Jackson ducked into the ladies' room to avoid fans, but Jackson spokesperson Raymond Bain claims that his boss merely made a wrong turn. But some witnesses don't believe the "wrong turn" excuse. Said one witness, "you'd think a guy like him with likes like him would know how to find the little boys' room."
WILLIAM SHATNER
Recovering nicely from health problems, the Emmy winner has decided to put the remnants of his recent difficulties up for auction. Shatner, who was taken from the set of Boston Legal to hospital last month, suffered from a kidney stone, which he successfully passed and is now trying to sell on eBay. The actor also briefly considered auctioning off his ego, until someone pointed out that he wouldn't be able to find a container big enough to ship it.
TERRELL OWENS
The bad boy of the National Football League has been handed a four-game suspension after talking smack about his team, the Philadelphia Eagles. But it seems that Owens is showing remorse, even if it is in his own brash style. In a scripted press statement, Owens offered several apologies. Said T.O., "I apologize to the National Football League for my actions. More specifically, I apologize to coach (Andy) Reid and my Eagles teammates for putting them in a tough spot. Finally, I'd also like to apologize to Donovan McNabb for calling him a chickenshit weenie, which I actually haven't done, but will be doing so during an interview tomorrow."
BRITNEY SPEARS
The tabloids' mom of the moment has reportedly been told by a psychic that she'll be pregnant again within six months. According to friends, Spears always visits a psychic before making any major decisions that will affect her life. But the psychic had more to tell. When Spears asked what 2006 would be like for her, the medium responded, "you'll be carrying a child in six months... but your drifter of a husband will be an expectant father in four."
Stay tuned...
Friday, November 18, 2005
CHANNEL SURFING
SPOILERS?
MAYBE.
PROBABLY.
LIKE, FER SURE!
Well, maybe one or two. Is that enough room? Okay, good.
Welcome to the latest semi-regular feature here in the land of entertainment two-ply. Channel Surfing will contain my comments about what's happening from my perspective in the land of television. It also makes for easy writing when I have writer's block or I'm just dead dog tired, which seems to be most of the time lately. So let's talk TV for a moment, since it's something I hardly ever do.
1) This week's Lost was in(rhymes with trucking)credible. Okay, so none of the cast we've come to know and scratch our heads about were in it, except for the Three Rafterios. And they don't really count, since what we saw of them we've already seen. And after seeing Ana-Lucia cry, I think I've developed a soft spot for her. It got even softer after I saw her plug Shannon. Sniff.
2) Arrested Development ain't cancelled, but it's probably gonna be. This kind of hurts, but I have nobody to blame but me. I haven't seen an episode all season long, mostly because I missed episodes at the end of last season, and it's sort of a serial-ish soap opera-ish, hey what the (rhymes with duck) if you miss an episode kind of show. So, barring a Showtime or HBO miracle, I guess I'll just have to be content with 53 episodes of pure comic genius on DVD. Sniff, sniff.
3) There are only 58 days until the dead but undead Jack Bauer returns. Not that I'm counting or anything.
4) I've been watching some Ghost Whisperer. It's corny, in a "everything's predictable since Poltergeist came out" sort of way, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Plus there's the presence of Jennifer Love Hewitt's two biggest assets -- her acting ability and her wonderful screen presence. You thought I was gonna say her eyebrows, didn'tcha.
5) I've also been watching Invasion, since it comes on right after Lost. Also corny, and also not bad. Especially that William Fichtner dude. His character is so soulful. He's also creepy as hell. It's a stimulating combination that seems to mix really well with vodka. Which reminds me, I could really use a drink right about now.
6) Terrell Owens is an ass -- a big, smelly, in need of a good wipe rectus superius. But that's just my opinion. Hey, he's been on all the sports channels so he's fair game today.
7) Over at NBC's "Must Stink Thursdays," Joey's going down faster than Paris Hilton at a house party. It's a long shot, but he just might get by with a little help from his Friends. I hear Lisa Kudrow's available for another comeback, especially since her last Comeback tanked.
8) Martha, you're fired. Sucka!
9) I didn't think it was possible, but NCIS is better since Sasha Caruso, um, I mean Sasha Alexander left the show. Cote de Pablo as Ziva David has more than filled the shoes of the late Special Agent Caitlin Todd. I think she might be wearing some of Caitlin's clothes as well. And damn if she don't look good in 'em. Ahem.
10) The secondseason series of the new Doctor Who is about halfway through its filming over in the land of the crumpet. While I will miss Chris Eccleston as the ultimate Time Lord, David Tennant looks promising. Want a preview? Go that-a-way.
11) The sight of snow flurries outside has reminded me how much I miss This Week In Baseball. I especially miss the late Mel Allen hosting it.
12) Battlestar Galactica (the NOW version, not the THEN version) has been renewed for a third season. I've heard nothing but good things about this show. One of these days I might actually have to watch it. I'm so ashamed...
13) RE-BA! RE-BA! RE-BA! It's a funny show. Trust me.
14) Where the hell did I put my (rhymes with luck)-ing remote control? THIS IS UNFAIR! WHO TOOK IT! I'LL KILL YA -- oh, here it is.
Stay tuned...
MAYBE.
PROBABLY.
LIKE, FER SURE!
Well, maybe one or two. Is that enough room? Okay, good.
Welcome to the latest semi-regular feature here in the land of entertainment two-ply. Channel Surfing will contain my comments about what's happening from my perspective in the land of television. It also makes for easy writing when I have writer's block or I'm just dead dog tired, which seems to be most of the time lately. So let's talk TV for a moment, since it's something I hardly ever do.
1) This week's Lost was in(rhymes with trucking)credible. Okay, so none of the cast we've come to know and scratch our heads about were in it, except for the Three Rafterios. And they don't really count, since what we saw of them we've already seen. And after seeing Ana-Lucia cry, I think I've developed a soft spot for her. It got even softer after I saw her plug Shannon. Sniff.
2) Arrested Development ain't cancelled, but it's probably gonna be. This kind of hurts, but I have nobody to blame but me. I haven't seen an episode all season long, mostly because I missed episodes at the end of last season, and it's sort of a serial-ish soap opera-ish, hey what the (rhymes with duck) if you miss an episode kind of show. So, barring a Showtime or HBO miracle, I guess I'll just have to be content with 53 episodes of pure comic genius on DVD. Sniff, sniff.
3) There are only 58 days until the dead but undead Jack Bauer returns. Not that I'm counting or anything.
4) I've been watching some Ghost Whisperer. It's corny, in a "everything's predictable since Poltergeist came out" sort of way, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Plus there's the presence of Jennifer Love Hewitt's two biggest assets -- her acting ability and her wonderful screen presence. You thought I was gonna say her eyebrows, didn'tcha.
5) I've also been watching Invasion, since it comes on right after Lost. Also corny, and also not bad. Especially that William Fichtner dude. His character is so soulful. He's also creepy as hell. It's a stimulating combination that seems to mix really well with vodka. Which reminds me, I could really use a drink right about now.
6) Terrell Owens is an ass -- a big, smelly, in need of a good wipe rectus superius. But that's just my opinion. Hey, he's been on all the sports channels so he's fair game today.
7) Over at NBC's "Must Stink Thursdays," Joey's going down faster than Paris Hilton at a house party. It's a long shot, but he just might get by with a little help from his Friends. I hear Lisa Kudrow's available for another comeback, especially since her last Comeback tanked.
8) Martha, you're fired. Sucka!
9) I didn't think it was possible, but NCIS is better since Sasha Caruso, um, I mean Sasha Alexander left the show. Cote de Pablo as Ziva David has more than filled the shoes of the late Special Agent Caitlin Todd. I think she might be wearing some of Caitlin's clothes as well. And damn if she don't look good in 'em. Ahem.
10) The second
11) The sight of snow flurries outside has reminded me how much I miss This Week In Baseball. I especially miss the late Mel Allen hosting it.
12) Battlestar Galactica (the NOW version, not the THEN version) has been renewed for a third season. I've heard nothing but good things about this show. One of these days I might actually have to watch it. I'm so ashamed...
13) RE-BA! RE-BA! RE-BA! It's a funny show. Trust me.
14) Where the hell did I put my (rhymes with luck)-ing remote control? THIS IS UNFAIR! WHO TOOK IT! I'LL KILL YA -- oh, here it is.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
DVD TUESDAY
Here are some of today's more notable DVD releases:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: THE CHOSEN COLLECTION
Things getting a little cramped in your DVD storage space? Well, have no fear, unless it's the fear of spending money. Now you can have the Sarah Michelle Gellar cult series in one neat and tidy space saving package. This is important because somewhere down the road you're going to want Angel in one neat and tidy space saving package. This particular set contains all 144 episodes of Buffy's ass kicking on a whopping 40 discs.
DON CHERRY 17
Yes, it's nearly Christmas. Time once again for the yearly video hosted by Don Cherry showing the highlights from the previous hockey season. Oh, wait a minute. There is NO previous hockey season this Christmas. So what is this? An hour of Don Cherry in his underwear playing NHL 2005 on a Playstation? Maybe. Maybe not. Just don't blame me if the sight of an old, Canadian big-mouth in his skivvies causes you to go blind. It could happen...
FANTASY ISLAND - Season 1
"Boss, boss, ze plane, ze plane." Pfft. I often wondered what would happen if the plane crashed, but then I'm just morbid that way. But then watching this back-to-back with The Love Boat on a Saturday night would make almost anyone wish for some death and destruction. In my sick, little dystopia the plane crashes and the boat sinks. Maybe Hollywood could combine the two and make a movie called The Flight of the Titanic. Hmm, on second thought, I better not give them any ideas. This set contains 16 episodes on four discs.
FRIENDS - Season 10
And so it ended. Ten seasons of Central Perk, on a break, Chandler's (NOT) gay, Joey gets laid, Monica's a neat freak, Phoebe is Pheobe, and more stunt casting than any series not called Will & Grace. Then it spawned Joey, which probably should have been called AfterFRIENDS, if the ratings are any indication. This set contains 18 episodes on four discs. Also available is a box set of the complete series, aptly named The One with All Ten Seasons.
MADAGASCAR
You've heard me rant and rave against the corporate evil that is Disney and how they manipulate their customers with their DVD releases and their subsequent withdrawals months later. I say don't buy their crap. But this one's by Dreamworks, so everything's hunky-dory. Go nuts. Just be sure to let the kids know that the real Madagascar animals don't talk. Even the ones originally from New York.
ONE DARK NIGHT (Special Edition)
This cheesy horror flick from the eighties is, for me, a total guilty pleasure. The acting is bad, the effects are barely average and it stars Meg Tilly (good) and Adam West (WTF). All that cheddar and it still scared the shit out of me. It's over twenty years later and I'd rather make out with a corpse than set foot in a mausoleum, which could make for an interesting paradox. I wonder what the white coats are gonna say when they read this one...
SCRUBS - Season 2
I haven't watched this show in awhile, but it's one of the few sitcoms left on the air that actually has a brain. Sharp writing, a good main cast and the occasional appearance by Tom Cavanagh keeps it in my good books. This set has 22 episodes on three discs.
THE SKELETON KEY
This spooky film stars Kate Hudson (my favourite Goldie Hawn offspring) and was directed by Iain Softley (my favourite Backbeat director). You'd think I'd have seen it by now. But nope. Haven't. Probably will now, though.
THE SOUND OF MUSIC (40th Anniversary Edition)
"Climb every mountain..." Ya know, Maria, I'm pretty sure the Reverend Mother was speaking metaphorically. But you had to go climb the damn thing anyway, didn'tcha? Sigh. I mentioned a couple of weeks back that I'd seen The Wizard of Oz about a 100 times. Well, I've seen this film at least 50 times. Movie musicals just don't get any better than this, with or without my brilliant sarcastic wit. State Fair and Oklahoma also have anniversary editions out today. The link? They're all Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein musicals, although The Sound of Music is a little more Rodgers than Hammerstein, since the latter died in 1960, before some of the film's songs were written.
STARGATE: ATLANTIS - Season 1
Can't get enough sci-fi? Yeah, me neither. This successful spinoff of Richard Dean Anderson's Stargate SG-1 makes its bow on DVD with a five-disc set containing 20 episodes.
STEALTH
This film about a secret military plane that develops a mind of its own and threatens to start a war barely made a ripple at the box office. Apparently, people thought it was, like, dumb. But it had Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas in it. I mean, who needs a brain when you're bein' fed this kind of eye candy, huh?
U2: VERTIGO 2005 (Live from Chicago)
U2 definitely ain't what they used to be. They hit their peak in 1987 with The Joshua Tree, slipped a bit with Achtung Baby in 1991, and then jumped the crap out of the shark with Zooropa in 1993. By the mid-nineties I figured they'd be done. But despite what was pretty much a lost decade creativity-wise, U2 was always a good, tight live band. The evidence would seem to suggest they still are. Now you can meet the evidence in your own home, Windy City style.
THE YOGI BEAR SHOW - Complete Series
Is Yogi really smarter than the average bear? I'm not so sure. I mean, you don't see the other bears wearing a collar with no shirt and a butt-ugly tie, now do ya? That just makes him smarter than the average Hilton sister. This set contains all 35 episodes on four discs.
Stay tuned...
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: THE CHOSEN COLLECTION
Things getting a little cramped in your DVD storage space? Well, have no fear, unless it's the fear of spending money. Now you can have the Sarah Michelle Gellar cult series in one neat and tidy space saving package. This is important because somewhere down the road you're going to want Angel in one neat and tidy space saving package. This particular set contains all 144 episodes of Buffy's ass kicking on a whopping 40 discs. DON CHERRY 17
Yes, it's nearly Christmas. Time once again for the yearly video hosted by Don Cherry showing the highlights from the previous hockey season. Oh, wait a minute. There is NO previous hockey season this Christmas. So what is this? An hour of Don Cherry in his underwear playing NHL 2005 on a Playstation? Maybe. Maybe not. Just don't blame me if the sight of an old, Canadian big-mouth in his skivvies causes you to go blind. It could happen...FANTASY ISLAND - Season 1
"Boss, boss, ze plane, ze plane." Pfft. I often wondered what would happen if the plane crashed, but then I'm just morbid that way. But then watching this back-to-back with The Love Boat on a Saturday night would make almost anyone wish for some death and destruction. In my sick, little dystopia the plane crashes and the boat sinks. Maybe Hollywood could combine the two and make a movie called The Flight of the Titanic. Hmm, on second thought, I better not give them any ideas. This set contains 16 episodes on four discs.FRIENDS - Season 10
And so it ended. Ten seasons of Central Perk, on a break, Chandler's (NOT) gay, Joey gets laid, Monica's a neat freak, Phoebe is Pheobe, and more stunt casting than any series not called Will & Grace. Then it spawned Joey, which probably should have been called AfterFRIENDS, if the ratings are any indication. This set contains 18 episodes on four discs. Also available is a box set of the complete series, aptly named The One with All Ten Seasons.MADAGASCAR
You've heard me rant and rave against the corporate evil that is Disney and how they manipulate their customers with their DVD releases and their subsequent withdrawals months later. I say don't buy their crap. But this one's by Dreamworks, so everything's hunky-dory. Go nuts. Just be sure to let the kids know that the real Madagascar animals don't talk. Even the ones originally from New York.ONE DARK NIGHT (Special Edition)
This cheesy horror flick from the eighties is, for me, a total guilty pleasure. The acting is bad, the effects are barely average and it stars Meg Tilly (good) and Adam West (WTF). All that cheddar and it still scared the shit out of me. It's over twenty years later and I'd rather make out with a corpse than set foot in a mausoleum, which could make for an interesting paradox. I wonder what the white coats are gonna say when they read this one... SCRUBS - Season 2
I haven't watched this show in awhile, but it's one of the few sitcoms left on the air that actually has a brain. Sharp writing, a good main cast and the occasional appearance by Tom Cavanagh keeps it in my good books. This set has 22 episodes on three discs. THE SKELETON KEY
This spooky film stars Kate Hudson (my favourite Goldie Hawn offspring) and was directed by Iain Softley (my favourite Backbeat director). You'd think I'd have seen it by now. But nope. Haven't. Probably will now, though.THE SOUND OF MUSIC (40th Anniversary Edition)
"Climb every mountain..." Ya know, Maria, I'm pretty sure the Reverend Mother was speaking metaphorically. But you had to go climb the damn thing anyway, didn'tcha? Sigh. I mentioned a couple of weeks back that I'd seen The Wizard of Oz about a 100 times. Well, I've seen this film at least 50 times. Movie musicals just don't get any better than this, with or without my brilliant sarcastic wit. State Fair and Oklahoma also have anniversary editions out today. The link? They're all Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein musicals, although The Sound of Music is a little more Rodgers than Hammerstein, since the latter died in 1960, before some of the film's songs were written.STARGATE: ATLANTIS - Season 1
Can't get enough sci-fi? Yeah, me neither. This successful spinoff of Richard Dean Anderson's Stargate SG-1 makes its bow on DVD with a five-disc set containing 20 episodes.STEALTH
This film about a secret military plane that develops a mind of its own and threatens to start a war barely made a ripple at the box office. Apparently, people thought it was, like, dumb. But it had Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas in it. I mean, who needs a brain when you're bein' fed this kind of eye candy, huh?U2: VERTIGO 2005 (Live from Chicago)
U2 definitely ain't what they used to be. They hit their peak in 1987 with The Joshua Tree, slipped a bit with Achtung Baby in 1991, and then jumped the crap out of the shark with Zooropa in 1993. By the mid-nineties I figured they'd be done. But despite what was pretty much a lost decade creativity-wise, U2 was always a good, tight live band. The evidence would seem to suggest they still are. Now you can meet the evidence in your own home, Windy City style. THE YOGI BEAR SHOW - Complete Series
Is Yogi really smarter than the average bear? I'm not so sure. I mean, you don't see the other bears wearing a collar with no shirt and a butt-ugly tie, now do ya? That just makes him smarter than the average Hilton sister. This set contains all 35 episodes on four discs.Stay tuned...
Sunday, November 13, 2005
SUNDAY CRAPOLA, ver. 1.22
(DISCLAIMER: The following piece may not equal the sum of its parts. Especially the parts that are made up.)
Welcome to the second quasi-non-annual all-girl edition of Sunday Crapola. Wait, did that make sense? Hmm, and would it matter if it didn't? Or did? Aw, fuhgetit, I'm gettin' a headache.
Roll snare. Read on:
BRITNEY SPEARS
Still on lip-sync hiatus after the arrival of son Sean Preston, the pop star has managed to fend off a lawsuit from an aspiring songwriter. Steve Wallace claimed in an Indiana court that Spears' song "Sometimes" was ripped from a track he wrote. After a comparison in court that showed a slight resemblance between the two songs, the case was thrown out by District Court Judge John D. Tinder. Spears' legal problems may not be over, however. "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Oops, I Did It Again" were also played back to back in the courtroom, after which Judge Tinder recommended that Spears hang on to her lawyer in the event that she ends up suing herself.
JENNIFER ANISTON
The former Friend has had a tough time of it over the last year or so, and she sat down with Diane Sawyer recently to talk about things. Sawyer asked her how she was doing now that things are over and done. Said Jenn, "I was sad to see things end. You know, you work hard and things are great, and all of a sudden it's over. You're left with so many emotions. It took a long time to sink in that I'd never be shooting a Friends episode again." Responded Sawyer, "actually, I was talking about your divorce." Replied Jenn, "oh, that..."
ASHLEE SIMPSON
Jessica's little sister took a trip to Toronto recently to promote her new album and, despite the best efforts of absolutely nobody, managed to get herself in trouble. After spending time at the MuchMusic studio, Ashlee got plastered and visited a local McDonald's, where she flipped out at an employee when he wouldn't kiss her feet. The employee was asked why he wouldn't oblige -- afterall, this was THE Ashlee Simpson. Said the McDude, "I didn't want to catch any MTD's. You know, Metatarsally Transmitted Diseases."
MADONNA
The one that calls herself Esther took extraordinary measures to protect her new album from leaking on the 'net after a secret media release party held last Tuesday. A CD of the album, Confessions On A Dance Floor, was played for journalists and record execs a full two weeks before its scheduled release. After the party, the disc was destroyed. This surprised nobody, since people have been burning copies of her last two CDs since the day they came out.
ELTON JOHN
Fresh off making a music video with the thinfully sexy Teri Hatcher, the singer-songwriter has professed his love for ABC's Desperate Housewives. Elton says the show is "so funny," and has indicated a strong desire to make an appearance on the program. Reporters contacted Housewives' creator Marc Cherry to ask him about a possible cameo for the music legend. He just shook his head and said, "no way. We've got too many bitches already."
Sorry, Reg.
Stay tuned...
Welcome to the second quasi-non-annual all-girl edition of Sunday Crapola. Wait, did that make sense? Hmm, and would it matter if it didn't? Or did? Aw, fuhgetit, I'm gettin' a headache.
Roll snare. Read on:
BRITNEY SPEARS
Still on lip-sync hiatus after the arrival of son Sean Preston, the pop star has managed to fend off a lawsuit from an aspiring songwriter. Steve Wallace claimed in an Indiana court that Spears' song "Sometimes" was ripped from a track he wrote. After a comparison in court that showed a slight resemblance between the two songs, the case was thrown out by District Court Judge John D. Tinder. Spears' legal problems may not be over, however. "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Oops, I Did It Again" were also played back to back in the courtroom, after which Judge Tinder recommended that Spears hang on to her lawyer in the event that she ends up suing herself.
JENNIFER ANISTON
The former Friend has had a tough time of it over the last year or so, and she sat down with Diane Sawyer recently to talk about things. Sawyer asked her how she was doing now that things are over and done. Said Jenn, "I was sad to see things end. You know, you work hard and things are great, and all of a sudden it's over. You're left with so many emotions. It took a long time to sink in that I'd never be shooting a Friends episode again." Responded Sawyer, "actually, I was talking about your divorce." Replied Jenn, "oh, that..."
ASHLEE SIMPSON
Jessica's little sister took a trip to Toronto recently to promote her new album and, despite the best efforts of absolutely nobody, managed to get herself in trouble. After spending time at the MuchMusic studio, Ashlee got plastered and visited a local McDonald's, where she flipped out at an employee when he wouldn't kiss her feet. The employee was asked why he wouldn't oblige -- afterall, this was THE Ashlee Simpson. Said the McDude, "I didn't want to catch any MTD's. You know, Metatarsally Transmitted Diseases."
MADONNA
The one that calls herself Esther took extraordinary measures to protect her new album from leaking on the 'net after a secret media release party held last Tuesday. A CD of the album, Confessions On A Dance Floor, was played for journalists and record execs a full two weeks before its scheduled release. After the party, the disc was destroyed. This surprised nobody, since people have been burning copies of her last two CDs since the day they came out.
ELTON JOHN
Fresh off making a music video with the thinfully sexy Teri Hatcher, the singer-songwriter has professed his love for ABC's Desperate Housewives. Elton says the show is "so funny," and has indicated a strong desire to make an appearance on the program. Reporters contacted Housewives' creator Marc Cherry to ask him about a possible cameo for the music legend. He just shook his head and said, "no way. We've got too many bitches already."
Sorry, Reg.
Stay tuned...
Thursday, November 10, 2005
SHE'S DEAD, JIN
No, not your wife. I'm talking about a totally different gal, altogether.
If someone could translate that first paragraph into Korean, it would be greatly appreciated. Whoops, almost forgot... gotta put something below.
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
P
A
C
E
There.
So, who's a Lostie? C'mon, some of you have to be watching what just might be the coolest show on the planet. Or the most boring, depending on your level of patience.
Wait, I think I see some hands.
Well, if you do watch Lost, you've no doubt learned by now that Shannon Rutherford (Maggie Grace), she of the bitch-itude and mythical trust fund, had her abdomen shredded last night by a bullet fired by Ana-"Itchy Trigger"-Lucia (Michelle Rodriguez). Let that be a lesson: bitch with gun beats regular bitch every time.
It's not like we didn't Shannon's demise coming. I certainly did.
Producers of the show have been talking -- okay, bragging -- about the forthcoming death of a female character for weeks. Why do they do this, I asks myself? Wouldn't it be more shocking if they didn't tell us anything?
Well, yeah, it would. But the audience might have been a tad smaller. As my fave comedian Gallagher once said, "the bigger the crowd, the more people show up for it." There's just no escaping hype, especially when it's this good.
It's just such a shame that they couldn't keep it a secret.
How so?
Well, the core of entertainment reporters that like to report TV gossip (including Kristin at E! Online and TV Guide's Ask Ausiello, to name but two) without giving anything away, gave away too much. They wouldn't say who bit the big one, but they had no problem saying who didn't, as well as giving away other clues.
One said that Claire (Emilie de Ravin) was safe. Another said that Rose would still be around. That still left Ana-Lucia, Kate (Evangeline Lilly), Libby (Cynthia Watros), Sun (Yunjin Kim) and Shannon. Then one of the wags talked about how stunning and sad the death was. That ruled out Ana-Lucia and Libby, because the former is a mega-bitch that people would line up to kill (in other words, far too interesting), and the latter is, so far, pretty much a nobody (not interesting enough).
So that left us with just Kate, Sun and Shannon. And there's just no way that Sun was going down, not with her hubby missing in action. But Kate and Shannon? Well, I had it figured out a few weeks ago when the whole Josh Holloway robbed in Hawaii thing happened. The cast was filming in Oahu... and Maggie Grace was in New York on The View. Because, like, maybe she wasn't needed for filming anymore?
The final nail in Shannon's coffin, so to speak, was another of those wonderful gossip reporters pointing out that Kate would have another flashback in an episode that occurs AFTER the mysterious character's death. Since I don't remember seeing any flashbacks of Boone (Ian Sommerhalder) after he was dropped off a cliff, I added things up and put the bullseye on Shannon's back. I had things nailed perfectly until she was shot in the front.
Hey, what can I say? Nobody's perfect.
Stay tuned...
If someone could translate that first paragraph into Korean, it would be greatly appreciated. Whoops, almost forgot... gotta put something below.
S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
P
A
C
E
There.
So, who's a Lostie? C'mon, some of you have to be watching what just might be the coolest show on the planet. Or the most boring, depending on your level of patience.
Wait, I think I see some hands.
Well, if you do watch Lost, you've no doubt learned by now that Shannon Rutherford (Maggie Grace), she of the bitch-itude and mythical trust fund, had her abdomen shredded last night by a bullet fired by Ana-"Itchy Trigger"-Lucia (Michelle Rodriguez). Let that be a lesson: bitch with gun beats regular bitch every time.
It's not like we didn't Shannon's demise coming. I certainly did.
Producers of the show have been talking -- okay, bragging -- about the forthcoming death of a female character for weeks. Why do they do this, I asks myself? Wouldn't it be more shocking if they didn't tell us anything?
Well, yeah, it would. But the audience might have been a tad smaller. As my fave comedian Gallagher once said, "the bigger the crowd, the more people show up for it." There's just no escaping hype, especially when it's this good.
It's just such a shame that they couldn't keep it a secret.
How so?
Well, the core of entertainment reporters that like to report TV gossip (including Kristin at E! Online and TV Guide's Ask Ausiello, to name but two) without giving anything away, gave away too much. They wouldn't say who bit the big one, but they had no problem saying who didn't, as well as giving away other clues.
One said that Claire (Emilie de Ravin) was safe. Another said that Rose would still be around. That still left Ana-Lucia, Kate (Evangeline Lilly), Libby (Cynthia Watros), Sun (Yunjin Kim) and Shannon. Then one of the wags talked about how stunning and sad the death was. That ruled out Ana-Lucia and Libby, because the former is a mega-bitch that people would line up to kill (in other words, far too interesting), and the latter is, so far, pretty much a nobody (not interesting enough).
So that left us with just Kate, Sun and Shannon. And there's just no way that Sun was going down, not with her hubby missing in action. But Kate and Shannon? Well, I had it figured out a few weeks ago when the whole Josh Holloway robbed in Hawaii thing happened. The cast was filming in Oahu... and Maggie Grace was in New York on The View. Because, like, maybe she wasn't needed for filming anymore?
The final nail in Shannon's coffin, so to speak, was another of those wonderful gossip reporters pointing out that Kate would have another flashback in an episode that occurs AFTER the mysterious character's death. Since I don't remember seeing any flashbacks of Boone (Ian Sommerhalder) after he was dropped off a cliff, I added things up and put the bullseye on Shannon's back. I had things nailed perfectly until she was shot in the front.
Hey, what can I say? Nobody's perfect.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
DVD TUESDAY
Here are some of today's more notable DVD releases:
BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD: THE MIKE JUDGE COLLECTION - Volume 1
Heh-heh. Heh. Heh. Heh-heh. Before he was The King of the Hill, Mike Judge was the bane of parents who wanted kids to watch TV that expanded their vocabularies. These two twits became pop culture sensations when their show aired on MTV in the mid-nineties. This set includes 40 episodes.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Based on the Roald Dahl novel, this was filmed previously as Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (released in 1971), starring Gene Wilder. Johnny Depp plays Willie Wonka in this one, and while he probably won't be winning any statues for this film, Depp is too good an actor not to win an Oscar someday.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
This one's specifically for me. This is the 1938 release starring Reginald Owen. While not as popular (nor as good) as the 1951 Alastair Sim version of the Charles Dickens novel, it's still one that I try to catch every year. If you like your Scrooge, you'll enjoy it.
A DIFFERENT WORLD - Season 1
This Cosby Show spinoff (it could have been called Denise Goes to College, if she'd actually stuck around) makes its way to disc with this release of its first season. Not a great show, by any stretch, the first season is interesting because it starred a young Marisa Tomei as a college student with a runaway mouth. At the beginning of season two, POOF! She was gone. This set includes 22 episodes on four discs.
DOCTOR WHO: CITY OF DEATH
Rated as one of the best episodes of classic Doctor Who by the show's fans, this is a fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) story notable for being co-written by Hitchhiker's Guide scribe Douglas Adams. Also of note are the episode's foreign locations (a rarity during the show's long run) and guest appearances by Monty Python's John Cleese, Eleanor Bron (renegade cult member Ahme in The Beatles' Help!) and Indiana Jones baddie Julian Glover.
JEOPARDY: AN INSIDE LOOK AT AMERICA'S FAVORITE QUIZ SHOW
A retrospective of the popular game show that would never have been released if not for the sensational winning streak of uber-geek Ken Jennings.
JUMANJI (Deluxe Edition)
Have you ever wondered what your house would look like if an elephant ran through it? Yeah, I wonder that all the time. This souped up release of the Robin Williams action-comedy replaces the original disc, released in 2000.
LIVE 8
This past summer's charity rock-a-thon comes to disc with (according to Amazon) a whopping eight hours of material. Probably worth it for the Pink Floyd reunion alone, but that's just my opinion.
THE POLICE: SYNCHRONICITY CONCERT
The year was 1983 and The Police were on top of the rock world. This release focuses on what would be the last tour together for Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland, before they broke up in order to keep from killing each other.
SPACE: ABOVE AND BEYOND - Complete Series
Another show that died too soon, this series about a group of marines fighting a war against a slippery alien enemy made the tiniest of ratings dents on Sunday nights in the mid-nineties. Good performances and solid special effects went for naught as FOX cancelled it after only one season. A shame. The box includes all 23 episodes on five discs.
THE TRAGICALLY HIP: THAT NIGHT IN TORONTO
This is for Canadians only. Well, more or less. This band is huge in Canada, but gets practically zero airplay in the States, but no matter. This concert movie was filmed last year at Toronto's Air Canada Centre, home of the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Toronto Crap-tors.
THE WHITE SHADOW - Season 1
This series ran for three seasons in the late seventies and early eighties. I've never been much of a basketball fan, but I have fond memories of watching this thought provoking CBS drama on Monday nights. This set contains 15 episodes on four discs.
THE WHO: TOMMY AND QUADROPHENIA (Live)
This set contains live versions of The Who's two grand rock spectacles. Tommy was filmed in 1989 in Los Angeles with guest appearances by Phil Collins, Patti LaBelle, Elton John, Steve Winwood and Billy Idol. Quadrophenia is from The Who's 1996-97 tour. No Keith Moon, obviously, but a treat for fans of the band, nonetheless.
Stay tuned...
BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD: THE MIKE JUDGE COLLECTION - Volume 1
Heh-heh. Heh. Heh. Heh-heh. Before he was The King of the Hill, Mike Judge was the bane of parents who wanted kids to watch TV that expanded their vocabularies. These two twits became pop culture sensations when their show aired on MTV in the mid-nineties. This set includes 40 episodes.CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Based on the Roald Dahl novel, this was filmed previously as Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (released in 1971), starring Gene Wilder. Johnny Depp plays Willie Wonka in this one, and while he probably won't be winning any statues for this film, Depp is too good an actor not to win an Oscar someday. A CHRISTMAS CAROL
This one's specifically for me. This is the 1938 release starring Reginald Owen. While not as popular (nor as good) as the 1951 Alastair Sim version of the Charles Dickens novel, it's still one that I try to catch every year. If you like your Scrooge, you'll enjoy it.A DIFFERENT WORLD - Season 1
This Cosby Show spinoff (it could have been called Denise Goes to College, if she'd actually stuck around) makes its way to disc with this release of its first season. Not a great show, by any stretch, the first season is interesting because it starred a young Marisa Tomei as a college student with a runaway mouth. At the beginning of season two, POOF! She was gone. This set includes 22 episodes on four discs.DOCTOR WHO: CITY OF DEATH
Rated as one of the best episodes of classic Doctor Who by the show's fans, this is a fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) story notable for being co-written by Hitchhiker's Guide scribe Douglas Adams. Also of note are the episode's foreign locations (a rarity during the show's long run) and guest appearances by Monty Python's John Cleese, Eleanor Bron (renegade cult member Ahme in The Beatles' Help!) and Indiana Jones baddie Julian Glover. JEOPARDY: AN INSIDE LOOK AT AMERICA'S FAVORITE QUIZ SHOW
A retrospective of the popular game show that would never have been released if not for the sensational winning streak of uber-geek Ken Jennings.JUMANJI (Deluxe Edition)
Have you ever wondered what your house would look like if an elephant ran through it? Yeah, I wonder that all the time. This souped up release of the Robin Williams action-comedy replaces the original disc, released in 2000.LIVE 8
This past summer's charity rock-a-thon comes to disc with (according to Amazon) a whopping eight hours of material. Probably worth it for the Pink Floyd reunion alone, but that's just my opinion.THE POLICE: SYNCHRONICITY CONCERT
The year was 1983 and The Police were on top of the rock world. This release focuses on what would be the last tour together for Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland, before they broke up in order to keep from killing each other.SPACE: ABOVE AND BEYOND - Complete Series
Another show that died too soon, this series about a group of marines fighting a war against a slippery alien enemy made the tiniest of ratings dents on Sunday nights in the mid-nineties. Good performances and solid special effects went for naught as FOX cancelled it after only one season. A shame. The box includes all 23 episodes on five discs.THE TRAGICALLY HIP: THAT NIGHT IN TORONTO
This is for Canadians only. Well, more or less. This band is huge in Canada, but gets practically zero airplay in the States, but no matter. This concert movie was filmed last year at Toronto's Air Canada Centre, home of the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Toronto Crap-tors.THE WHITE SHADOW - Season 1
This series ran for three seasons in the late seventies and early eighties. I've never been much of a basketball fan, but I have fond memories of watching this thought provoking CBS drama on Monday nights. This set contains 15 episodes on four discs.THE WHO: TOMMY AND QUADROPHENIA (Live)
This set contains live versions of The Who's two grand rock spectacles. Tommy was filmed in 1989 in Los Angeles with guest appearances by Phil Collins, Patti LaBelle, Elton John, Steve Winwood and Billy Idol. Quadrophenia is from The Who's 1996-97 tour. No Keith Moon, obviously, but a treat for fans of the band, nonetheless.Stay tuned...
Monday, November 7, 2005
THEY SAID THAT, PART IX
Here are the answer's to Friday's movie quote game:
(1) "You ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?"
ONE CRAZY SUMMER (1986): While hanging with his buddy Hoops (John Cusack), George Calamari (Dharma & Greg's Joel Murray) puts to bed one of the mysteries of death after perusing the daily obituaries.
(2) "I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters."
DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (1995): Thief extraordinaire Simon Gruber (Jeremy Irons) splits some hairs in his dealings with bedraggled cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) and McClane's New York City posse.
(3) "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."
GONE WITH THE WIND (1939): Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) decides that all the patience and virtue in the world ain't worth one overly wedded Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh).
(4) "Now I'll never be a teen model!"
THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE (1995): Marcia Brady (Christine Taylor, AKA Mrs. Ben Stiller) bemoans the end of what she believes to be a fruitful future after taking one in the schnozz.
(5) "I'm gone, man. Solid gone..."
THE JUNGLE BOOK (1967): Baloo the Bear (voiced by Phil Harris) caves in to the hypnotic beat of the jungle drums of primate King Louie (Louis Prima), despite the best efforts of Bagheera the Panther (voiced by Mr. French himself, Sebastian Cabot).
(6) "Well, I hope you don't expect me to save you, 'cause I don't do that anymore."
SUPERMAN III (1983): The bad half of a split Superman (Christopher Reeve) let's bad girl Lorelei (Pamela Stephenson) know that he's not going to rescue her no matter how hot and slutty she looks.
(7) "You've had your eight, now I'll have my eighty."
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987): Military fanatic Brad Whitaker (Joe Don Baker, in his first of three franchise appearances) gets out the heavy hardware after dodging a few bullets from the "pop gun" of James Bond (Timothy Dalton, in his first of two tuxedo fittings).
(8) "I thought it handled great."
GUNG HO (1986): American auto plant guy Hunt Stevenson (Michael Keaton) makes this comment to his Japanese bosses after presenting them with a car that's not quite the sum of its parts.
(9) "I'm only paranoid because they want me dead."
CONSPIRACY THEORY (1997): Cab driver Jerry Fletcher (Mel Gibson), who never met a conspiracy he didn't believe in, does his best to explain the root cause of his latest paranoia.
(10) "Hello, ladies and genitals, we're the band. You'll be happy to know we keep our clothes on."
BACKBEAT (1994): John Lennon (Ian Hart) introduces the Beatles to the folks in a German nightclub, be they drunk, sober or dead.
The only quote that nobody got was #8 -- so much for making things harder. The next edition of the movie quote game will take place in a few weeks... with a guest quizmaster.
Stay tuned...
(1) "You ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?"
ONE CRAZY SUMMER (1986): While hanging with his buddy Hoops (John Cusack), George Calamari (Dharma & Greg's Joel Murray) puts to bed one of the mysteries of death after perusing the daily obituaries.
(2) "I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters."
DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (1995): Thief extraordinaire Simon Gruber (Jeremy Irons) splits some hairs in his dealings with bedraggled cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) and McClane's New York City posse.
(3) "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."
GONE WITH THE WIND (1939): Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) decides that all the patience and virtue in the world ain't worth one overly wedded Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh).
(4) "Now I'll never be a teen model!"
THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE (1995): Marcia Brady (Christine Taylor, AKA Mrs. Ben Stiller) bemoans the end of what she believes to be a fruitful future after taking one in the schnozz.
(5) "I'm gone, man. Solid gone..."
THE JUNGLE BOOK (1967): Baloo the Bear (voiced by Phil Harris) caves in to the hypnotic beat of the jungle drums of primate King Louie (Louis Prima), despite the best efforts of Bagheera the Panther (voiced by Mr. French himself, Sebastian Cabot).
(6) "Well, I hope you don't expect me to save you, 'cause I don't do that anymore."
SUPERMAN III (1983): The bad half of a split Superman (Christopher Reeve) let's bad girl Lorelei (Pamela Stephenson) know that he's not going to rescue her no matter how hot and slutty she looks.
(7) "You've had your eight, now I'll have my eighty."
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987): Military fanatic Brad Whitaker (Joe Don Baker, in his first of three franchise appearances) gets out the heavy hardware after dodging a few bullets from the "pop gun" of James Bond (Timothy Dalton, in his first of two tuxedo fittings).
(8) "I thought it handled great."
GUNG HO (1986): American auto plant guy Hunt Stevenson (Michael Keaton) makes this comment to his Japanese bosses after presenting them with a car that's not quite the sum of its parts.
(9) "I'm only paranoid because they want me dead."
CONSPIRACY THEORY (1997): Cab driver Jerry Fletcher (Mel Gibson), who never met a conspiracy he didn't believe in, does his best to explain the root cause of his latest paranoia.
(10) "Hello, ladies and genitals, we're the band. You'll be happy to know we keep our clothes on."
BACKBEAT (1994): John Lennon (Ian Hart) introduces the Beatles to the folks in a German nightclub, be they drunk, sober or dead.
The only quote that nobody got was #8 -- so much for making things harder. The next edition of the movie quote game will take place in a few weeks... with a guest quizmaster.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, November 6, 2005
SUNDAY CRAPOLA, ver. 1.21
(DISCLAIMER: Once there was a web guy, who liked to write some shit, not all was sworn as gospel, 'cause he was full of it.)
Wow, those poetry lessons are really paying off. I wish the teacher would let up with the whip, though. My ass is killing me.
Ahem.
Welcome to the blackjack edition of Sunday Crapola. Read it if you must, but remember, it was written by a guy who's not playing with a full deck. In fact, he ain't playin' with much of anything, especially since his coat does up in the back.
Hey, what a coincidence -- so does mine!
Anyway, onwards, etc, etc. Drumroll, maestro. Here goes:
KIM BASINGER/ALEC BALDWIN
The former love birds continue to ramp up the intensity of their custody battle for 10 year-old daughter, Ireland. The back and forth nature of the venomous dispute has been all over the entertainment news for several months, with Basinger talking about Baldwin's "behavioral problems" and Baldwin complaining about Basinger's "pathological need" to keep Baldwin from having contact with his daughter. In an attempt to bring things down to a more civilized level, the judge in the case is thinking of having the case moved from the Los Angeles courts to someplace quieter. Under consideration for the move are Denver, New York City and downtown Baghdad.
CHRISTIAN SLATER
Fresh off a court victory on charges of groping a woman in New York City, the actor took his soiled reputation to a new height and a quick tumble a couple of weeks ago when he got drunk at Paris Hilton's house, climbed on the roof and fell off. Slater was lucky enough to fall in some shrubs, and was not injured. Hilton was disappointed in Slater for his antics, but was even more aghast the next day when she read the New York Post headline, "Christian Slater Falls Into Paris Hilton's Bush."
JESSICA SIMPSON
The current Daisy Duke and burgeoning party girl was apparently so upset about the constant gossiping about her marriage to Nick Lachey, that she sought therapy. Said her father Joe, "Jessica is stressed to the max. She just needed a break so she went to some therapy sessions with someone she really trusts." When it was pointed out to Joe that his daughter's therapist's office was in a tavern, he snapped, "therapist, bartender -- what's the difference?"
SYLVESTER STALLONE
Fresh off the announcement that there would be a sixth Rocky movie, a fourth Rambo film has also been announced. After fighting a bigoted cop, the Vietnamese and the Russians, Stallone was asked what was left to fight. Said Sly, "not too much. We thought about having Rambo go after Bin Laden, but that's still a touchy subject for people, and besides, I want to keep this one in America. Rambo, by his very nature, is a freedom fighter. So I'm going to have him do his thing in Washington."
VINCENT GALLO
The controversial actor-director continues his spiral into the bizarre with the news that his sperm is being sold on the website VGMerchandise.com. The liquid seed of the weird one is being sold for $1 million a shot for in-vitro fertilization, or hopeful mothers can pay an extra $500,000 to have it inserted the old-fashioned way. According to the website, Gallo will consider waiving the extra half mil' fee if the woman in question is deemed attractive enough. Gallo was unavailable for comment, but reporters were able to contact his Brown Bunny co-star, Chloe Sevigny. When asked if she might consider Gallo's sperm for fathering her child, she said "no thanks. I already tried a sample and it left a bad taste in my mouth."
Eww! Listerine for everyone.
Stay tuned...
Wow, those poetry lessons are really paying off. I wish the teacher would let up with the whip, though. My ass is killing me.
Ahem.
Welcome to the blackjack edition of Sunday Crapola. Read it if you must, but remember, it was written by a guy who's not playing with a full deck. In fact, he ain't playin' with much of anything, especially since his coat does up in the back.
Hey, what a coincidence -- so does mine!
Anyway, onwards, etc, etc. Drumroll, maestro. Here goes:
KIM BASINGER/ALEC BALDWIN
The former love birds continue to ramp up the intensity of their custody battle for 10 year-old daughter, Ireland. The back and forth nature of the venomous dispute has been all over the entertainment news for several months, with Basinger talking about Baldwin's "behavioral problems" and Baldwin complaining about Basinger's "pathological need" to keep Baldwin from having contact with his daughter. In an attempt to bring things down to a more civilized level, the judge in the case is thinking of having the case moved from the Los Angeles courts to someplace quieter. Under consideration for the move are Denver, New York City and downtown Baghdad.
CHRISTIAN SLATER
Fresh off a court victory on charges of groping a woman in New York City, the actor took his soiled reputation to a new height and a quick tumble a couple of weeks ago when he got drunk at Paris Hilton's house, climbed on the roof and fell off. Slater was lucky enough to fall in some shrubs, and was not injured. Hilton was disappointed in Slater for his antics, but was even more aghast the next day when she read the New York Post headline, "Christian Slater Falls Into Paris Hilton's Bush."
JESSICA SIMPSON
The current Daisy Duke and burgeoning party girl was apparently so upset about the constant gossiping about her marriage to Nick Lachey, that she sought therapy. Said her father Joe, "Jessica is stressed to the max. She just needed a break so she went to some therapy sessions with someone she really trusts." When it was pointed out to Joe that his daughter's therapist's office was in a tavern, he snapped, "therapist, bartender -- what's the difference?"
SYLVESTER STALLONE
Fresh off the announcement that there would be a sixth Rocky movie, a fourth Rambo film has also been announced. After fighting a bigoted cop, the Vietnamese and the Russians, Stallone was asked what was left to fight. Said Sly, "not too much. We thought about having Rambo go after Bin Laden, but that's still a touchy subject for people, and besides, I want to keep this one in America. Rambo, by his very nature, is a freedom fighter. So I'm going to have him do his thing in Washington."
VINCENT GALLO
The controversial actor-director continues his spiral into the bizarre with the news that his sperm is being sold on the website VGMerchandise.com. The liquid seed of the weird one is being sold for $1 million a shot for in-vitro fertilization, or hopeful mothers can pay an extra $500,000 to have it inserted the old-fashioned way. According to the website, Gallo will consider waiving the extra half mil' fee if the woman in question is deemed attractive enough. Gallo was unavailable for comment, but reporters were able to contact his Brown Bunny co-star, Chloe Sevigny. When asked if she might consider Gallo's sperm for fathering her child, she said "no thanks. I already tried a sample and it left a bad taste in my mouth."
Eww! Listerine for everyone.
Stay tuned...
Friday, November 4, 2005
WHO SAID THAT? PART IX
It's Friday, but then you knew that. Well, those of you that are sober.
The end of the work slash school week is near for most. And what a week it's been. The city of Chicago had a parade for its World Series champs. I know, it sounds weird -- World Series champion Chicago White Sox. Man, it sucks to be aRed Sox', White Sox' or Cubs' fan.
And how about that Hallowe'en? Or is it Halloween? Whatever. Did anyone notice the median age of this year's trick-or-treaters? I swear it was somewhere in the high teens. Why bother with the candy? Next year I'm giving out nuthin' but disposable razors and Wonderbras.
Then there's all the fun at the White House. Research done earlier this week has revealed that betting on the next indictment in the Bush administration has surpassed video poker, football pools and Paris Hilton bashing to become the most popular form of entertainment in America.
(Muffled whispering)
What? Movie quotes? Oh, right. Almost forgot. Here they are:
(1) "You ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?"
(2) "I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters."
(3) "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."
(4) "Now I'll never be a teen model!"
(5) "I'm gone, man. Solid gone..."
(6) "Well, I hope you don't expect me to save you, 'cause I don't do that anymore."
(7) "You've had your eight, now I'll have my eighty."
(8) "I thought it handled great."
(9) "I'm only paranoid because they want me dead."
(10) "Hello, ladies and genitals, we're the band. You'll be happy to know we keep our clothes on."
The usual rulez: name the film and (for real nerds) the speaker of the quote (actor or character, your choice). The comments section is open for your use and abuse.
Stay tuned...
The end of the work slash school week is near for most. And what a week it's been. The city of Chicago had a parade for its World Series champs. I know, it sounds weird -- World Series champion Chicago White Sox. Man, it sucks to be a
And how about that Hallowe'en? Or is it Halloween? Whatever. Did anyone notice the median age of this year's trick-or-treaters? I swear it was somewhere in the high teens. Why bother with the candy? Next year I'm giving out nuthin' but disposable razors and Wonderbras.
Then there's all the fun at the White House. Research done earlier this week has revealed that betting on the next indictment in the Bush administration has surpassed video poker, football pools and Paris Hilton bashing to become the most popular form of entertainment in America.
(Muffled whispering)
What? Movie quotes? Oh, right. Almost forgot. Here they are:
(1) "You ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?"
(2) "I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters."
(3) "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."
(4) "Now I'll never be a teen model!"
(5) "I'm gone, man. Solid gone..."
(6) "Well, I hope you don't expect me to save you, 'cause I don't do that anymore."
(7) "You've had your eight, now I'll have my eighty."
(8) "I thought it handled great."
(9) "I'm only paranoid because they want me dead."
(10) "Hello, ladies and genitals, we're the band. You'll be happy to know we keep our clothes on."
The usual rulez: name the film and (for real nerds) the speaker of the quote (actor or character, your choice). The comments section is open for your use and abuse.
Stay tuned...
Thursday, November 3, 2005
FORCED FINISH
I went on a small road trip yesterday, all the way to Wal-Mart. Yeah, I know the Wal-Martians are evil. But I thought it appropriate, since what I was looking for was a DVD about a guy who starts good and goes real, real bad.
Yes, folks, I picked up my copy of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, the end and the middle of the Star Wars saga. There's a lot of words in that title. I haven't heard of a title that long since the Beatles recorded "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me and My Monkey" in 1968.
'Twas my first viewing of the film. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I did not go see Sith on the big screen during its theatrical run. Something about tickets, popcorn and soft drinks on approved credit.
And while nothing can compare to the true cinema experience, watching a big budget action film on the small screen is still better than a kick in the groin from a pair of steel-toed boots. You doubt me? Go ahead, try both. I dare ya.
Thoughts on the film? I have, but a few. Read on (SPOILERS):
C.G.I. = C.G.O.
One thing that's noticeable with each successive Star Wars movie (filming order, not story order) is the increasing reliance of Lucas on computer generated imaging in his films. As Lucas is the founder of Industrial Light & Magic this is only natural. But as the saying goes, sometimes less is more. I much prefer the simpler effects of A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. I guess I'm just not a fan of computer generated overload.
GIVE THE MAN A HAND
What's this obsession George Lucas has for severed hands? Luke lost his hand in The Empire Strikes Back. Anakin lost his hand in Attack of the Clones. Count Dooku goes one better, and loses both hands in Revenge of the Sith. Mace Windu loses one, too. It's getting so a galactic guy can't even clap anymore. Sure, Han Solo got to keep both of his. But then he needed them to put the moves on Princess Leia.
NO WONDER THEIR ROBES ARE BROWN
Did anyone ever notice that Sith is an anagram for shit? And Jedi is an anagram for, um, dije? Jide? Ejid? Aw, forget it. Perfectly good pun, shot to hell!
OH, JUST KILL THE BITCH, ALREADY!
For all of Natalie Portman's acting talents, she's got all the presence of a cinderblock in the Star Wars films -- especially Attack of the Clones. In Episode III, she's got a little more oomph. Unfortunately, I think I liked her better as a cinderblock. In Sith, she's all whiny and clingy, to the point where I almost wished that Anakin would just whip out his lightsaber and cut her in two. I mean, he went over to the dark side for that?
ICK, BARF, SPEW
While I'm on the subject of the gruesome twosome, there ought to be a law against George Lucas writing romantic dialogue. 'Nuff said.
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Such great care is taken to hide the twins once they're born. Well, sorta. Leia is adopted by Senator Bail Organa, and grows up to be an Alderaanian princess. Luke is adopted by his uncle and aunt, Owen and Beru Lars, and grows up to be Luke Skywalker. As in Anakin Skywalker? Might as well have just named him Luke Vader, if you're going to make it that frickin' obvious.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
Confucius Kenobi say, if you play with the dark side, you get burned. But then that will happen when your climactic lightsaber duel takes place on a big lava planet.
I, COWARD
Yoda, the greatest Jedi master, revered by the the noble Obi-Wan Kenobi, tells Senator Organa that he must go into exile. Why? Because he knows that he'll be training the son of Skywalker in twenty or so years? I think not. I mean, whatever happened to "difficult to see -- always in motion is the future." The lion in The Wizard of Oz was a major chickenshit, but at least he still lived in the forest.
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING SITH LORD
There have been two men to wear the Vader costume -- David Prowse in Episodes IV, V and VI and Hayden Christensen in Episode III. There's a five inch height difference between the two. Did Lucas think we wouldn't notice? Or is it just a case of Vader getting bigger as he gets badder.
I think that's all I've got. Tomorrow is another edition of the movie quote game, for those that like that kind of thing. Now all I gotta do is dig some up.
Stay tuned...
Yes, folks, I picked up my copy of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, the end and the middle of the Star Wars saga. There's a lot of words in that title. I haven't heard of a title that long since the Beatles recorded "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me and My Monkey" in 1968.
'Twas my first viewing of the film. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I did not go see Sith on the big screen during its theatrical run. Something about tickets, popcorn and soft drinks on approved credit.
And while nothing can compare to the true cinema experience, watching a big budget action film on the small screen is still better than a kick in the groin from a pair of steel-toed boots. You doubt me? Go ahead, try both. I dare ya.
Thoughts on the film? I have, but a few. Read on (SPOILERS):
C.G.I. = C.G.O.
One thing that's noticeable with each successive Star Wars movie (filming order, not story order) is the increasing reliance of Lucas on computer generated imaging in his films. As Lucas is the founder of Industrial Light & Magic this is only natural. But as the saying goes, sometimes less is more. I much prefer the simpler effects of A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. I guess I'm just not a fan of computer generated overload.
GIVE THE MAN A HAND
What's this obsession George Lucas has for severed hands? Luke lost his hand in The Empire Strikes Back. Anakin lost his hand in Attack of the Clones. Count Dooku goes one better, and loses both hands in Revenge of the Sith. Mace Windu loses one, too. It's getting so a galactic guy can't even clap anymore. Sure, Han Solo got to keep both of his. But then he needed them to put the moves on Princess Leia.
NO WONDER THEIR ROBES ARE BROWN
Did anyone ever notice that Sith is an anagram for shit? And Jedi is an anagram for, um, dije? Jide? Ejid? Aw, forget it. Perfectly good pun, shot to hell!
OH, JUST KILL THE BITCH, ALREADY!
For all of Natalie Portman's acting talents, she's got all the presence of a cinderblock in the Star Wars films -- especially Attack of the Clones. In Episode III, she's got a little more oomph. Unfortunately, I think I liked her better as a cinderblock. In Sith, she's all whiny and clingy, to the point where I almost wished that Anakin would just whip out his lightsaber and cut her in two. I mean, he went over to the dark side for that?
ICK, BARF, SPEW
While I'm on the subject of the gruesome twosome, there ought to be a law against George Lucas writing romantic dialogue. 'Nuff said.
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Such great care is taken to hide the twins once they're born. Well, sorta. Leia is adopted by Senator Bail Organa, and grows up to be an Alderaanian princess. Luke is adopted by his uncle and aunt, Owen and Beru Lars, and grows up to be Luke Skywalker. As in Anakin Skywalker? Might as well have just named him Luke Vader, if you're going to make it that frickin' obvious.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
Confucius Kenobi say, if you play with the dark side, you get burned. But then that will happen when your climactic lightsaber duel takes place on a big lava planet.
I, COWARD
Yoda, the greatest Jedi master, revered by the the noble Obi-Wan Kenobi, tells Senator Organa that he must go into exile. Why? Because he knows that he'll be training the son of Skywalker in twenty or so years? I think not. I mean, whatever happened to "difficult to see -- always in motion is the future." The lion in The Wizard of Oz was a major chickenshit, but at least he still lived in the forest.
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING SITH LORD
There have been two men to wear the Vader costume -- David Prowse in Episodes IV, V and VI and Hayden Christensen in Episode III. There's a five inch height difference between the two. Did Lucas think we wouldn't notice? Or is it just a case of Vader getting bigger as he gets badder.
I think that's all I've got. Tomorrow is another edition of the movie quote game, for those that like that kind of thing. Now all I gotta do is dig some up.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, November 1, 2005
DVD TUESDAY
Here are some of today's more notable DVD releases:
ALIENS OF THE DEEP
James Cameron continues his obsession with the ocean floor (doubters should rent The Abyss, fools should rent Titanic) in this documentary that supposedly looked real good on the IMAX screens, but apparently bored the shit out of most people. Just think of it as the king of the world sinking to a new low.
THE BRADY BUNCH - Season 4
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia." This wouldn't be a pop culture site if I didn't write that at least once. This is the season where the Brady's go to Hawaii for a few episodes. I can't remember whether they jumped any sharks, but this series would get too cute for itself on occasion, leading me to wish at least one Brady brat got fed to a maneater. Poor, hungry fishies. This set contains 23 episodes on four discs.
THE BRAT PACK: MUSIC & MOVIES COLLECTION
A three pack of classic eighties John Hughes films -- you know the three. You don't? What are you, young? Okay, the three are Weird Science (good), Sixteen Candles (better) and The Breakfast Club (simply awesome). It really should be called Anthony Michael Hall & Friends, but what are ya gonna do?
FAME - Season 1
This TV series based on the movie of the same fame, uh, I mean name, starred (basically) a bunch of unknowns who wanted to be famous -- and, in a lot of cases, they succeeded. Well, briefly, anyhow. Some of the unknowns who hit it big and then unhit it include Lori Singer, Nia Peeples, Cynthia Gibb and Janet Jackson. Why Janet? Well, she ain't famous anymore -- now she's infamous! Also worth mentioning, is an early career appearance by Harold Perrineau Jr., currently starring in a little TV show called Lost. Altogether now: "WALT!!!"
OFFICE SPACE (Special Edition with Flair)
I caught some of this late nineties Mike Judge (Beavis & Butt-Head, King of the Hill) comedy just the other day. Now I'm pining to watch the rest. This one's going on the ol' Christmas list.
THE PERFECT MAN
Heather Locklear plays mom to Hillary Duff in this comedy about a daughter who invents a suitor for her mother to, um, I forget. I like my version better: Two blondes, one young and one old, compete in a theatrical contest to see who's skinnier. We'll call it a draw -- two straight lines of equal length.
STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE - Season 4
These were the voyages, yada, yada... The final season of the final Star Trek series comes to DVD. Of course, this is Star Trek, so final is in the eyes of the beholders AKA the suits at Paramount Pictures, who will one day get desperate and dig the the damn ship back up. I hope they wipe off the dirt before they relaunch it.
STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH
The saga's over. Buy the disc. Await the TV series. More later this week.
WAR OF THE WORLDS - Season 1
This is the late eighties made-in-Canada TV series that was loosely based on the 1953 classic movie (it's kind of sequelish, actually) starring Rachel Blanchard (Cher on TV's Clueless and currently gettin' it on onscreen with Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon in Where the Truth Lies), Highlander's Adrian Paul and a bunch of people who haven't been heard from since. Did I mention it was Canadian-made? Dunno if that was a good or a bad thing. Anyway, all 22 first of two seasons episodes are here on six shiny round things.
WRESTLEMANIA: THE COMPLETE ANTHOLOGY
Every Wrestlemania for the last twenty years (give or take a rotation) is documented in this mega box set that's bound to please fans of such tripe. SPOILER ALERT: A little birdie told me it's all fake. Sssh.
Stay tuned...
ALIENS OF THE DEEP
James Cameron continues his obsession with the ocean floor (doubters should rent The Abyss, fools should rent Titanic) in this documentary that supposedly looked real good on the IMAX screens, but apparently bored the shit out of most people. Just think of it as the king of the world sinking to a new low.THE BRADY BUNCH - Season 4
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia." This wouldn't be a pop culture site if I didn't write that at least once. This is the season where the Brady's go to Hawaii for a few episodes. I can't remember whether they jumped any sharks, but this series would get too cute for itself on occasion, leading me to wish at least one Brady brat got fed to a maneater. Poor, hungry fishies. This set contains 23 episodes on four discs.THE BRAT PACK: MUSIC & MOVIES COLLECTION
A three pack of classic eighties John Hughes films -- you know the three. You don't? What are you, young? Okay, the three are Weird Science (good), Sixteen Candles (better) and The Breakfast Club (simply awesome). It really should be called Anthony Michael Hall & Friends, but what are ya gonna do?FAME - Season 1
This TV series based on the movie of the same fame, uh, I mean name, starred (basically) a bunch of unknowns who wanted to be famous -- and, in a lot of cases, they succeeded. Well, briefly, anyhow. Some of the unknowns who hit it big and then unhit it include Lori Singer, Nia Peeples, Cynthia Gibb and Janet Jackson. Why Janet? Well, she ain't famous anymore -- now she's infamous! Also worth mentioning, is an early career appearance by Harold Perrineau Jr., currently starring in a little TV show called Lost. Altogether now: "WALT!!!"OFFICE SPACE (Special Edition with Flair)
I caught some of this late nineties Mike Judge (Beavis & Butt-Head, King of the Hill) comedy just the other day. Now I'm pining to watch the rest. This one's going on the ol' Christmas list.THE PERFECT MAN
Heather Locklear plays mom to Hillary Duff in this comedy about a daughter who invents a suitor for her mother to, um, I forget. I like my version better: Two blondes, one young and one old, compete in a theatrical contest to see who's skinnier. We'll call it a draw -- two straight lines of equal length.STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE - Season 4
These were the voyages, yada, yada... The final season of the final Star Trek series comes to DVD. Of course, this is Star Trek, so final is in the eyes of the beholders AKA the suits at Paramount Pictures, who will one day get desperate and dig the the damn ship back up. I hope they wipe off the dirt before they relaunch it.STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH
The saga's over. Buy the disc. Await the TV series. More later this week.WAR OF THE WORLDS - Season 1
This is the late eighties made-in-Canada TV series that was loosely based on the 1953 classic movie (it's kind of sequelish, actually) starring Rachel Blanchard (Cher on TV's Clueless and currently gettin' it on onscreen with Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon in Where the Truth Lies), Highlander's Adrian Paul and a bunch of people who haven't been heard from since. Did I mention it was Canadian-made? Dunno if that was a good or a bad thing. Anyway, all 22 first of two seasons episodes are here on six shiny round things.WRESTLEMANIA: THE COMPLETE ANTHOLOGY
Every Wrestlemania for the last twenty years (give or take a rotation) is documented in this mega box set that's bound to please fans of such tripe. SPOILER ALERT: A little birdie told me it's all fake. Sssh.Stay tuned...
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