Coming soon to a theatre near you...
"THE INVISIBLE MAN"
Starring...
Um... me.
Okay, so I've made myself scarce -- I have a good excuse.
I've been a little busy tossing around limestone and patio stones in the ol' back yard. This, coupled with my extremely busy work schedule -- which occasionally also involves tossing around limestone and patio stones -- has left me with a shortage of both time and energy.
But I will weigh in on a couple of things this week, most notably the season finales involving a couple of Jacks. And I may or may not come up with 715 reasons to hate Barry Bonds.
Until then.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
CHANNEL SURFING
(CAUTION: The following may contain the very minorest of spoilerage. Readeth at own riskage.)
1) So The CW has decided that the series finale of 7th Heaven sucked, or something... so they're bringing it back for an eleventh season. Which makes it 11th Heaven, I guess.
2) Speaking of The CW, the new network has finally released its logo. The name of the six year-old who designed it has not been released.
3) I'm flippin' through and I come across television's answer to disco, AKA The Jerry Springer Show. You remember disco, right? A fad that was so popular, and yet it took the pulling of teeth to get anyone to admit they liked it. Jerry's show is the same thing. Now, I can handle listening to the Bee Gees (don't tell anyone), but I'd rather soil my shorts and sit in it than watch five minutes of Jerry. Thank goodness I changed the channel after only ten seconds. But what a ten seconds -- two trailer park hags (combined weight approximately 200 pounds) getting into a scrap, with about three "security" guys (did I say guys? I mean't NFL linemen -- combined weight approximately 950 pounds) struggling to pull them apart. That's right -- struggling. I may be going out on a limb here, but I think that show's fixed.
4) I finally saw the highlights for this year's Kentucky Derby. Man, that Barbaro can really run. But it would have been a much more interesting race had Tori Spelling not been scratched so she could run off and get married.
5) I am sitting on downloaded copies of the last two episodes of the first season of Supernatural. I don't know if I've said it before, but I'll say it (again?) anyway -- this show kicks ass! Can't wait for season 2, since the show's renewal is now officially, uh, official.
6) R.I.P. Joey. Tribbiani, not Buttafuoco.
7) R.I.P. Reba. Or not. I'm guessing somebody out there must have pictures of CBS honcho Les Moonves fit for blackmailing.
8) The season finale of 24 fast approacheth. In other news, the FOX network has placed an order for 100 virtual body bags.
9) The season finale of Lost also fast approacheth. In other news, ABC has called FOX to see if they'll lend them some of those virtual body bags.
10) DVD releases for the first seasons of Invasion and Commander-in-Chief have been announced. Each will come with a sticker that says "and only," to be placed immediately after the word "first."
11) So there it is on CNN and ET and E! and all the other alphabets -- Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are heading down the long and winding road to splitsville. I don't know which of the two wanted out of the marriage first, but if it was Mills it's a good thing she did this while Ringo Starr is still alive, lest she become known as the woman who broke up the Beatle.
12) Speaking of Invasion -- what a let down. Not that it got cancelled, but because it started so good and then the story moved so damn slow. I haven't experienced anything that sluggish since I digested my last buffet.
13) Ghost Whisperer is one of those shows that can only qualify as schmaltzy guilty pleasure material. It's daft and simplistic, but fun to watch if you can find a place to stow your intellect for an hour. That said, the two-part season finale was terrific (especially the first part). Now if I can only figure out what the producers are going to do with Aisha Tyler's character. Hmmm...
14) A question: why are infomercials always hosted by people who have absolutely no frickin' clue about the products they're supposedly pushing?
15) My DVD collection won't be complete until somebody releases the classic British sitcom Doctor in the House (AKA Doctor in Charge, Doctor at Sea, etc). Can't even find any decent bootlegs, doggamit.
16) Comment space available for rent. Any offer, reasonable or otherwise, accepted.
Stay tuned...
1) So The CW has decided that the series finale of 7th Heaven sucked, or something... so they're bringing it back for an eleventh season. Which makes it 11th Heaven, I guess.
2) Speaking of The CW, the new network has finally released its logo. The name of the six year-old who designed it has not been released.
3) I'm flippin' through and I come across television's answer to disco, AKA The Jerry Springer Show. You remember disco, right? A fad that was so popular, and yet it took the pulling of teeth to get anyone to admit they liked it. Jerry's show is the same thing. Now, I can handle listening to the Bee Gees (don't tell anyone), but I'd rather soil my shorts and sit in it than watch five minutes of Jerry. Thank goodness I changed the channel after only ten seconds. But what a ten seconds -- two trailer park hags (combined weight approximately 200 pounds) getting into a scrap, with about three "security" guys (did I say guys? I mean't NFL linemen -- combined weight approximately 950 pounds) struggling to pull them apart. That's right -- struggling. I may be going out on a limb here, but I think that show's fixed.
4) I finally saw the highlights for this year's Kentucky Derby. Man, that Barbaro can really run. But it would have been a much more interesting race had Tori Spelling not been scratched so she could run off and get married.
5) I am sitting on downloaded copies of the last two episodes of the first season of Supernatural. I don't know if I've said it before, but I'll say it (again?) anyway -- this show kicks ass! Can't wait for season 2, since the show's renewal is now officially, uh, official.
6) R.I.P. Joey. Tribbiani, not Buttafuoco.
7) R.I.P. Reba. Or not. I'm guessing somebody out there must have pictures of CBS honcho Les Moonves fit for blackmailing.
8) The season finale of 24 fast approacheth. In other news, the FOX network has placed an order for 100 virtual body bags.
9) The season finale of Lost also fast approacheth. In other news, ABC has called FOX to see if they'll lend them some of those virtual body bags.
10) DVD releases for the first seasons of Invasion and Commander-in-Chief have been announced. Each will come with a sticker that says "and only," to be placed immediately after the word "first."
11) So there it is on CNN and ET and E! and all the other alphabets -- Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are heading down the long and winding road to splitsville. I don't know which of the two wanted out of the marriage first, but if it was Mills it's a good thing she did this while Ringo Starr is still alive, lest she become known as the woman who broke up the Beatle.
12) Speaking of Invasion -- what a let down. Not that it got cancelled, but because it started so good and then the story moved so damn slow. I haven't experienced anything that sluggish since I digested my last buffet.
13) Ghost Whisperer is one of those shows that can only qualify as schmaltzy guilty pleasure material. It's daft and simplistic, but fun to watch if you can find a place to stow your intellect for an hour. That said, the two-part season finale was terrific (especially the first part). Now if I can only figure out what the producers are going to do with Aisha Tyler's character. Hmmm...
14) A question: why are infomercials always hosted by people who have absolutely no frickin' clue about the products they're supposedly pushing?
15) My DVD collection won't be complete until somebody releases the classic British sitcom Doctor in the House (AKA Doctor in Charge, Doctor at Sea, etc). Can't even find any decent bootlegs, doggamit.
16) Comment space available for rent. Any offer, reasonable or otherwise, accepted.
Stay tuned...
Monday, May 15, 2006
RANDOM QUOTE
"Unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free."
-- Frank Burns
Stay tuned...
-- Frank Burns
Stay tuned...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
THEY SAID THAT, PART XII
Here are the answers to last week's movie quote quiz, most of which have already been answered by people way smarter than me. Or I. Damn, I can never get those two straight:
1) "Hey, is that your sister out there in left field, naked?"
THE SANDLOT (1993): Catcher Ham Porter (Patrick Renna) does his best to distract an opposing batter during a game of pick-up baseball.
2) "Look what I accomplished in a week? And I did it without computers."
OH, GOD! BOOK II (1980): The Almighty (better known to us agnostics as the late George Burns) tries to give the young and exceptionally frustrated Tracy Richards (LouAnn) a pep talk.
3) "Ted Williams would roll over in his freezer if he saw this."
FEVER PITCH (2005): Obsessed Red Sox' fan Ben Wrightman (Jimmy Fallon) and his pals show their disgust over three members of their hallowed team (Jason Varitek, Trot Nixon and Johnny Damon) happily enjoying their meal after a loss. The bastards.
4) "Man, you smell like phys-ed."
THE GOONIES (1985): Imprisoned Goonie Chunk (Jeff Cohen) gives his new friend Sloth (John Matuszak) a brief lesson in hygiene.
5) "I'm sorry I spoke so harshly about your vagina this morning."
A DIRTY SHAME (2004): Sylvia Stickles (Tracey Ullman) apologizes to her buxom-beyond-belief daughter Caprice (Selma Blair) for calling her a slut... or a Republican... or something almost as unseemly. I really don't remember.
6) "Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"
REAL GENIUS (1985): The brilliantly twisted Chris Knight (Val Kilmer) stirs the words of the young but brilliant Mitch Taylor (Gabe Jarret) to comic perfection.
7) "You wanna hear something funny? Back in Memphis, my dentist's name is James Spalding."
CAST AWAY (2000): Stranded plane crash victim Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) shares some irony with his pal, Wilson the Volleyball.
8) "Lutz and Biddle. It's like Kibbles 'N Bits, but different."
BEVERLY HILLS COP II (1987): Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) makes fun of the names of the extremely annoying Chief of the Los Angeles police department and the Chief's equally annoying lackey.
9) "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in as to just how dumb you are."
SMOKEY & THE BANDIT (1977): Bo 'Bandit' Darville (Burt Reynolds) explains the correlation between intelligence and geography to runaway bride Carrie (Sally Field).
10) "Broke into the wrong g*ddamn rec room, didn't ya, you bastard!"
TREMORS (1990): NRA worshipper Burt Gummer (Michael Gross), with loyal and loving and packing wife Heather (Reba McEntire) at his side, taunts the biggest g*ddamn dead worm a redneck's ever laid eyes on.
We'll do this again in a few weeks.
Stay tuned...
1) "Hey, is that your sister out there in left field, naked?"
THE SANDLOT (1993): Catcher Ham Porter (Patrick Renna) does his best to distract an opposing batter during a game of pick-up baseball.
2) "Look what I accomplished in a week? And I did it without computers."
OH, GOD! BOOK II (1980): The Almighty (better known to us agnostics as the late George Burns) tries to give the young and exceptionally frustrated Tracy Richards (LouAnn) a pep talk.
3) "Ted Williams would roll over in his freezer if he saw this."
FEVER PITCH (2005): Obsessed Red Sox' fan Ben Wrightman (Jimmy Fallon) and his pals show their disgust over three members of their hallowed team (Jason Varitek, Trot Nixon and Johnny Damon) happily enjoying their meal after a loss. The bastards.
4) "Man, you smell like phys-ed."
THE GOONIES (1985): Imprisoned Goonie Chunk (Jeff Cohen) gives his new friend Sloth (John Matuszak) a brief lesson in hygiene.
5) "I'm sorry I spoke so harshly about your vagina this morning."
A DIRTY SHAME (2004): Sylvia Stickles (Tracey Ullman) apologizes to her buxom-beyond-belief daughter Caprice (Selma Blair) for calling her a slut... or a Republican... or something almost as unseemly. I really don't remember.
6) "Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"
REAL GENIUS (1985): The brilliantly twisted Chris Knight (Val Kilmer) stirs the words of the young but brilliant Mitch Taylor (Gabe Jarret) to comic perfection.
7) "You wanna hear something funny? Back in Memphis, my dentist's name is James Spalding."
CAST AWAY (2000): Stranded plane crash victim Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) shares some irony with his pal, Wilson the Volleyball.
8) "Lutz and Biddle. It's like Kibbles 'N Bits, but different."
BEVERLY HILLS COP II (1987): Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) makes fun of the names of the extremely annoying Chief of the Los Angeles police department and the Chief's equally annoying lackey.
9) "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in as to just how dumb you are."
SMOKEY & THE BANDIT (1977): Bo 'Bandit' Darville (Burt Reynolds) explains the correlation between intelligence and geography to runaway bride Carrie (Sally Field).
10) "Broke into the wrong g*ddamn rec room, didn't ya, you bastard!"
TREMORS (1990): NRA worshipper Burt Gummer (Michael Gross), with loyal and loving and packing wife Heather (Reba McEntire) at his side, taunts the biggest g*ddamn dead worm a redneck's ever laid eyes on.
We'll do this again in a few weeks.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, May 9, 2006
CH-CH-CHANGES...
There is no DVD update today.
In fact, I'm rethinking my whole obsession with the DVD thing. The weekly updates are going to be discontinued. The same applies to the separate DVD site. Work pressures and other things are making it difficult to keep up. But I'll still be writing about the odd release, as well as keeping up on things TV, film and the occasional miscellaneous.
I'm scaling back, but I'm not going away.
As for those tricky movie quotes, the answers will be posted on Thursday. Meanwhile, here are some hints:
1) Big dog's got balls
2) Say goodnight, Gracie
3) The curse is lifted
5) Waters under the bridge
8) Dirty Rosewood
9) Eastbound and down
10) The really big early worm gets the bird
Stay tuned...
In fact, I'm rethinking my whole obsession with the DVD thing. The weekly updates are going to be discontinued. The same applies to the separate DVD site. Work pressures and other things are making it difficult to keep up. But I'll still be writing about the odd release, as well as keeping up on things TV, film and the occasional miscellaneous.
I'm scaling back, but I'm not going away.
As for those tricky movie quotes, the answers will be posted on Thursday. Meanwhile, here are some hints:
1) Big dog's got balls
2) Say goodnight, Gracie
3) The curse is lifted
5) Waters under the bridge
8) Dirty Rosewood
9) Eastbound and down
10) The really big early worm gets the bird
Stay tuned...
Friday, May 5, 2006
WHO SAID THAT? PART XII
Here are the previously promised quotes a la filme. A couple are pretty easy, but most of them are designed to drive people completely insane with frustration. Although the most I'll probably get is a shrug.
Here they are:
1) "Hey, is that your sister out there in left field, naked?"
2) "Look what I accomplished in a week? And I did it without computers."
3) "Ted Williams would roll over in his freezer if he saw this."
4) "Man, you smell like phys-ed."
5) "I'm sorry I spoke so harshly about your vagina this morning."
6) "Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"
7) "You wanna hear something funny? Back in Memphis, my dentist's name is James Spalding."
8) "Lutz and Biddle. It's like Kibbles 'N Bits, but different."
9) "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in as to just how dumb you are."
10) "Broke into the wrong g*ddamn rec room, didn't ya, you bastard!"
Rules revisited: Name the film and, if possible, the speaker of the quote.
Stay tuned...
Here they are:
1) "Hey, is that your sister out there in left field, naked?"
2) "Look what I accomplished in a week? And I did it without computers."
3) "Ted Williams would roll over in his freezer if he saw this."
4) "Man, you smell like phys-ed."
5) "I'm sorry I spoke so harshly about your vagina this morning."
6) "Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"
7) "You wanna hear something funny? Back in Memphis, my dentist's name is James Spalding."
8) "Lutz and Biddle. It's like Kibbles 'N Bits, but different."
9) "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in as to just how dumb you are."
10) "Broke into the wrong g*ddamn rec room, didn't ya, you bastard!"
Rules revisited: Name the film and, if possible, the speaker of the quote.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
DVD TUESDAY
I never really got into the films of Tennessee Williams (I've only seen one in full, and that was over twenty years ago). Well, actually the films based on Tennessee Williams' plays.But there's no denying their impact on the world of pop culture.
Despite being hated by Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958) was a smash success that won two Academy Awards (but not for stars Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor). And A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) is famous for a lot of things, but most notably Marlon Brando's wailing of "STELLA!," topped only (in my opinion) by William Shatner's wailing of "KHAN!" in Star Trek II in 1982.
Now these two famous Williams adaptations are part of a deluxe box set that also includes Sweet Bird of Youth (1962), The Night of the Iguana (1964), Baby Doll (1956), The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone (1961), all of which are available in separate releases.
ALSO OUT TODAY:
DELICATESSEN
Critics loved this strange film from France (co-directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, better know on this side of the pond as the guy who screwed up Alien: Resurrection). The plot (from IMDB.com): "Post-apocalyptic surrealist black comedy about the landlord of an apartment building who creates cannibalistic meals for his odd tenants." If that's not a recipe for heartburn, I don't know what is.
DINOSAURS - Seasons 1 & 2
Back in the early nineties, ABC decided to jump on the bandwagon built by those yellow folks from Springfield, XX by starting up this show, which wasn't animated but was more of an animatronic thang -- kind of a Muppets meets the Flintstones. Alas, clever writing couldn't save it. It did, however, manage to get through two more seasons before its extinction. (Four discs, 29 episodes)
I LOVE LUCY - Season 6
Everybody's favourite redhead continues her pop culture resurgence from beyond the grave with this sixth and final season release of the legendary show. (Four discs, 27 episodes)
KING OF THE HILL - Season 6
This show was all but dead. Everyone was let go, there was no future. Then a little while ago, FOX said "hey, you're coming back next fall. Don't go anywhere." Which has very little to do with this sixth season release, but it's a cute story anyway. (Three discs, 21 episodes)
LEAVE IT TO BEAVER - Season 2
Gee Wally, I don't know. Another season set DVD release? What will Lumpy think? (Three discs, 39 episodes)
THE NANNY - Season 2
There is nothing more annoying than the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. Except for the sound of Fran Drescher laughing, that is. Still, with the sound turned down she's almost tolerable. (Three discs, 26 episodes)
RED DWARF - Series 8
Or, as it says on the DVD box, series VIII. There's nothing like those British when they get all spacey. 'Cause, like, they start using Roman numerals and stuff. Can you tell I've never watched this show, despite many an opportunity and the words of several people/nerds I know that say it's one of the funniest things ever to come out of the United Kingdom? Seriously. Supposedly it ranks right between The Two Ronnies and Prince Charles' ears on the hierarchy of British humour. (Three discs, 8 episodes)
Stay tuned...
Monday, May 1, 2006
SUNDAY, MONDAY... WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
Okay, so I lied.
Yes, I said I'd be back on Sunday. But, gosh darn it, things just didn't quite work out that way.
Besides, if I actually came back on Crapola day, I'd have to write something like "Mexico has announced its plans to legalize possession of limited amounts of cocaine, marijuana and heroine. In other news, Whitney Houston has announced plans to record her next album in Tijuana, with the first single to be a schmaltzy love ballad version of Weezer's "Hash Pipe."
But I just didn't feel like doing that yesterday. I mean, it was so gorgeous outside that it seemed almost sacriligious to be not so nice on such a nice day. And since I sometimes find it difficult to be nice, I did the next best thing.
I abstained.
I don't plan on making a habit of it, however. Later this week I'm bringing back some (hopefully challenging) movie quotes. Plus, it's May, which is the big month in the world of television where struggling shows come off life support and head for recovery -- except for the ones that get stashed in a pine box.
So, assuming you're still visiting with any regularity, I ask you to stick around and make yourself comfortable. Or uncomfortable if you prefer that sort of thing.
Stay tuned...
Yes, I said I'd be back on Sunday. But, gosh darn it, things just didn't quite work out that way.
Besides, if I actually came back on Crapola day, I'd have to write something like "Mexico has announced its plans to legalize possession of limited amounts of cocaine, marijuana and heroine. In other news, Whitney Houston has announced plans to record her next album in Tijuana, with the first single to be a schmaltzy love ballad version of Weezer's "Hash Pipe."
But I just didn't feel like doing that yesterday. I mean, it was so gorgeous outside that it seemed almost sacriligious to be not so nice on such a nice day. And since I sometimes find it difficult to be nice, I did the next best thing.
I abstained.
I don't plan on making a habit of it, however. Later this week I'm bringing back some (hopefully challenging) movie quotes. Plus, it's May, which is the big month in the world of television where struggling shows come off life support and head for recovery -- except for the ones that get stashed in a pine box.
So, assuming you're still visiting with any regularity, I ask you to stick around and make yourself comfortable. Or uncomfortable if you prefer that sort of thing.
Stay tuned...
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