I'M BACK...

...and I have some more questions:

For David Copperfield...
Do you ever think inside the box?


For Barry Bonds...
Nervous?


For Haley Joel Osment...
How's the offroading going?


For Floyd Landis...
How you gonna climb this mountain?


For Oprah...
Read any good books lately?


For Danica Patrick...
How do you reach the pedals?


For David Hasselhoff...
Are you as think as I drunk you are?


For Lance Bass...
Did you actually expect us to be shocked?


For Jennifer Love Hewitt...
How's gravity treating you?


For Jack Bauer...
Do you like chow mein?


For J.J. Abrams...
Do you know how to boldly go?


For Pamela Anderson...
Is your video camera battery charged?


For Mel Gibson...
Would you step out of the car, please?


For Richard Hatch...
Is the soap slippery?

Stay tuned...

NO, I HAVENT BEEN TERMINATED...

"I'll be Bach."

I could never understand what that Schwarzeneggar guy mean't by that, but it sounds good to me. See ya next Sunday.

Stay tuned...

SUNDAY CRAPOLA, ver. 2.17

(DISCLAIMER: May the Farce be with you.)

Recently, in the news:

** Minor league baseball manager Joe Mikulik had a meltdown of Billy Martin proportions recently after a close call went against his Asheville Tourists in a game against the Lexington Legends. Mikulik stormed the field to argue with the umpire, only to be thrown out of the game moments later. He then went all Earl Weaver on the umps, abusing bases, home plate and nearly decapitating a batboy. When asked about the incident, Mikulik said he was off his psychiatric medication. Because of this, the league suspended Mikulik five games and made him an honorary Scientologist.

** Ashlee Simpson has reappeared in public after having plastic surgery to have her nose shortened an inch or two. After being accused by some music critics of being even more superficial than was thought possible, Ashlee struck back, saying. "just because I've had the size of my nose reduced a whole lot doesn't make me any less of a person."

** A male streaker hit the court during a women's match at Wimbledon last week, causing Maria Sharapova to turn away in embarrassment. The naked man was given a little time to display his assets, but security soon stepped in and roughly ejected him from the premises once it was discovered that he wasn't wearing white socks.

** Russell Crowe became a father for the second time with the birth of Tennyson Spencer Crowe this past week. Knowing the actor's penchant for physically abusing the press with telecommunications equipment, members of the American press filed a restraining order against Crowe, forcing him to announce the birth using old-fashioned Morse code.

** After witnessing the Independence Day launch of the space shuttle Discovery, Boyfriend of the Month Club member Paris Hilton has decided that she wants to be the next space tourist. When asked what inspired her to take a giant leap for mankind, Hilton said, "I've always wanted to ride the big one."

** Ashley Judd has lashed out at reporters who have suggested she's anorexic or bulimic. The incredibly shrinking Judd, who looks like a Royal Doulton figurine when standing next to heavy-set sister Wynonna, said, "just because I throw up three times a day doesn't mean I have an eating disorder."

** Britney Spears, who recently confirmed to the world for the second time that there is nothing wrong with her ovaries, is taking it off for the August cover of Harper's Bazaar magazine. Originally hubby Kevin Federline was going to appear clean shaven and properly groomed on the cover of GQ, but the couple decided to opt for something less shocking.

Stay tuned...

FUNG-ASS

I like mushrooms, but sometimes they just taste like shit

Stay tuned...

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS

For Dear Abby...
Do you get fan mail?


For Spongebob...
Do those pants cause chafing?


For Warren Buffett?
Can I have some?


For English soccer fans?
Is that the tallest bridge you can find?


For Star Jones?
What's next?


For David Hasselhoff...
Can I give you a hand?


For Paris Hilton...
Are the shots clearing things up?


For Bob Barker...
Do you ever miss the dinosaurs?


For Britney Spears...
Can I buy your man a vasectomy?


For Brandon Routh...
Is that thing real?


For Jimmy Hoffa...
Where the Hell are you?


For Brett Myers?
How do you spell HALF?


For Lindsay Lohan...
Do those things spill out of your shirt on command?


For Michelle Rodriguez?
Est-ce que je peux voir votre permis et enregistrement, sil vous plait?

Stay tuned...