THEY SAID THAT, PART XIII

Finally, a computer that works.

Last week my good friend Hewlett P. Ackard came down with something. He was no longer functioning. After a couple of mis-diagnoses, the problem was finally solved yesterday.

Today he's back in the pink, although his memory isn't quite what it used to be. But then that'll happen to all of us sooner or later.

I think.

Um, here are the (long overdue) answers to the most recent movie quote quiz:

1) "You don't walk out on me. I walk out on you."
DONNIE BRASCO (1997): Gangster Lefty Ruggiero (Al Pacino) lays out one of his ground rules.

2) "At least he's not a book burner, you Nazi cow!"
FIELD OF DREAMS (1989): Annie Kinsella (Amy Madigan) defends her husband's honour in the most diplomatic way possible.

3) "You're such a pillowcase."
HEATHERS (1989): While leading scientists try to determine whether she has a heart, one of the Heathers, AKA Heather Chandler (the late Kim Walker), shifts into put-down mode.

4) "Great Train Robbery, eh? How's that going?"
HELP! (1965): The famous Beatles enlist the assistance of a member of Scotland Yard to help protect Ringo from from being "slaughtered jolly, with a knife" by an Eastern cult. Said Yardie doesn't think much of the band, so John plays a little game of tit for tat.

5) "It's not good, unless you want to give your ass a facial."
UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN (2003): Patti (Sandra Oh) makes fun of the plumbing problems of her good friend Frances (Diane Lane).

6) "An angel does not make love, an angel is love."
BARBARELLA (1968): Possibly because he's hoping to get into Jane Fonda's catsuit, the angel Pygar (John Phillip Law) goes into full Socrates mode. Again, and again, and again...

7) "The dirty old whore told me to do it!"
SLACKERS (2002): (Not So) Cool Ethan (Jason Schwartzman) tries to explain his actions after giving an ill-advised chest massage to a pair of double-D's.

8) "You know what the hardest part about being you is? Pretending to be so bad in bed."
THE SAINT (1997): Master of disguise Simon Templar (Val Kilmer) gets a shot in at an adversary before quickly disappearing back into the masses.

9) "Plenty of guys have broken up with me. You just beat them up and move on."
MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS (2005): FBI Agent Sam Fuller (Regina King) counsels fellow Fed Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock) on her love life.

10) "Well, he f*cks like he pitches... sort of all over the place."
BULL DURHAM (1988): Self-proclaimed non-piece of ass Millie (Jenny Robertson) gives her scouting report on raw rookie Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh (Tim Robbins).

Stay tuned...

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM...

About those movie quotes, uh, answers are forthcoming. Unfortunately, my computer is currently misbehaving (out of freak necessity it is being completely reformatted -- suffice to say it's not going quietly).

I'm currently on a backup that's slower than Paris Hilton during a brainstorming session. Be back ASAP.

Stay tuned...

WHO SAID THAT? PART XIII

It's time (or so it would seem) for my weekly post. When did this place become a "weekly," anyway? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That's true. Lazy would also be in the eye of the beholder, but I can't be bothered to do any beholding. Which, I suppose, also means that I'm not all that pretty.

But enough of that.

A quick moment to salute Mr. Bruno Kirby, an underrated actor if ever there was one. Bruno is no longer with us after succumbing to leukemia. Those who need a refresher in his talent should watch (in no particular order) Good Morning Vietnam, The Freshman, City Slickers, When Harry Met Sally and Donnie Brasco.

Speaking of the cinema, here are some movie quotes to keep you busy:

1) "You don't walk out on me. I walk out on you."

2) "At least he's not a book burner, you Nazi cow!"

3) "You're such a pillowcase."

4) "Great Train Robbery, eh? How's that going?"

5) "It's not good, unless you want to give your ass a facial."

6) "An angel does not make love, an angel is love."

7) "The dirty old whore told me to do it!"

8) "You know what the hardest part about being you is? Pretending to be so bad in bed."

9) "Plenty of guys have broken up with me. You just beat them up and move on."

10) "Well, he f*cks like he pitches... sort of all over the place."

Same old rulez -- name the flick and (if you have the courage) the speaker of the quote.

Stay tuned...

DEEP THOTTS

Man, summer sure is going fast. Days become weeks and before you know it you've neglected your web page. I'm so ashamed.

Anyhoo, it would seem that I've had some time to think. A normal person would be thinking of smart stuff, but then I'm no Alfred Einstein. Here's what's been roaming around my untellect for the last little while:

* If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, what's a hand in the bush worth?

* If it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, what happens if she has laryngitis?

* If a bear shits in the woods and there's nobody around, does that mean it stinks? And if so, who's going to be brave enough to go back and tell the bear?

* If one goose is a goose, and two are geese, why aren't two moose meese?

* Shouldn't there be telemarketers on the starship Enterprise?

* If a dog licks its crotch because it can, what would it lick if it couldn't?

* If a little Dutch girl puts her finger in the dike does that make her a lesbian?

* If mountaineers climb mountains how come engineers don't climb engines?

* Do people pay for plastic surgery with a credit card?

* If a Ghostbuster gets busted, who's he gonna call?

* If Michael Jackson gets in touch with his inner child, should he be charged? More importantly, does he beat it?

* Is it true that "polident" is the latin word for beating the snot out of a parrot?

* If she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes, how is she going to travel when she goes?

* Do psychics invest in futures?

* If 1 and 1 is 2, and 2 and 2 is 4, shouldn't 3 and 3 be 8?

* If I had a life what would it be worth?

Stay tuned...

Honest...